​[uncountable] a very strong feeling of liking and caring for somebody/something, especially a member of your family or a friend

Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries

There.

Alright, now, what do I mean by loving independently. Well, just that. Loving fiercely, and yet loving in a way that allows you to always be who you are. Always.

Right, so here is the definition of independent. You knew I would.

independent

adjective OPAL W /ˌɪndɪˈpendənt/ /ˌɪndɪˈpendənt/

​(of a country) having its own government

​ confident and free to do things without needing help from other people

Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries

Okay. Here is what we have thus far.

Generating fierce feelings of liking and caring for somebody or something, especially a member of your family or a friend, with the confidence and freedom to do things without needing help from others.

Well, that’s close, yet not quite right. Again, it’s more about always remaining true to the human being you are. Let’s try that again.

Generating fierce feelings of liking and caring for somebody or something, especially a member of your family or a friend, with the confidence and freedom to always be true to the human being you are.

There, that’s much better.

Why is the notion of loving fiercely and independently important?

“To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace.”

― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

Good Reads

You may be asking yourself, okay, and if we become dependent?

Becoming dependent on another human being happens. In fact, it, at some point, happens to us all. Yep, that is true.

Yet, we can remain true to our independent self, while also being dependent. A paradox? Yep.

In this context, independence is more about being your true self, today, and always. And, even if you are dependent on another human being, you can retain your true self, thus continuing to be independent.

That’s fun.

And, what happens when we become dependent, while not remaining true to our own true self?

Right. Well, we lose ourselves in the process. Or, rather, it is more like we bury our true selves under tons of emotional debris. It is very hard to begin the process of finding our true selves when buried that deep.

Yet, it is possible.

The most important thing to note is that it is the awareness that is missing.

Thus, loving fiercely while also remaining true to our true self for many remains a paradox in language, and, more than likely, in practice.

This paradox is especially true in the United States where we are socialized with a very narrow view of love, called romantic love, which, in the end, can become more like attachment. The issue?

Well, when we are attached, dependency follows, and then? We end up sacrificing the true self we know ourselves to be. Not all at once. Nope.

Yet, over time, without an awareness on how attachment and dependency function, it happens that our true self becomes, as was aforementioned, buried. Phew. Difficult.