The Leadership Series Part 2.75: Why Developing the Self is Always the First Step in Leadership

The Leadership Psychology and Sociology of Hearing and Seeing

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Alright, so we’ve now completed, The Leadership Series Part 2: Why Developing the Self is Always the First Step in Leadership, and, The Leadership Series Part 2.5: Why Developing the Self is Always the First Step in Leadership. This installment, then, is the last installment of part 2.

It’s what happens when cool insights occur. Let’s reset shall we? Real quick. Here we go.

In the first installment of part 2 of the leadership series, we discussed thinking and feeling, and why understanding how we think and feel matters to our development as a leader.

And, then in the second installment of part 2 of the leadership series, we discussed speaking and acting, and why understanding how we speak and act is also important to our development as a leader.

In this, yes, promise, the final installment of part 2?

We will discuss hearing and seeing. How we hear, and how we see, are just as important as how we think, feel, speak, and act. And, that was the insight I had a couple of weeks ago. So, let’s go.

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Hearing

As we develop ourselves as a leader, we hear more things. Things we would not have heard before. Subtleties in someone’s voice for example, the tone and affect, their word choices, how they use them, and the words they didn’t choose to use.

Factually, we all have different vocabularies. Meaning, no two people know all of the exact same words, or how to use them, or use them in the same way. However, listening for how people use their language is important. How people use language, will provide you more information about that person.

What are some strategies you can employ to hear, or listen more intently and retain that information? Sure. Here are a couple.

  • Be present – one of the most important tools a leader, nay, any human being, can develop is learning how to be present. Being present means that all of your attention is on whatever context you find yourself in. For instance, you are not multitasking, or thinking about other things that need your attention. Being present is a gift to ourselves first, and then to everyone we know. In the article, What Does Being Present Really Mean, and Why Does it Matter?, I write about some of the strategies I use to ensure I stay present.
  • Listenactive listening is a learned skill. Meaning, it takes practice, just like all things. When we are actively listening we are present, and are engaged with the information the person is sharing. Of course, this means we are not planning a response in advance. We are rather, just being with that person and what they are sharing, providing them meaningful feedback and questions so we can learn all they have to share with us.
  • Take notes – I always take notes when I am in a meeting, or have someone that does. I only take down those things I need to remember. It is important to not get lost in note taking, which can happen. You need to capture important aspects of the conversation, dates or definitions maybe, or, maybe a question arises, which is usually the case with me, and it’s not an appropriate time to ask it. You can write it down real quick, and then ask the question at the appropriate time.

There we go. There are many other strategies you can employ to ensure you are hearing as much as possible. Yet these three I use daily, all day in fact, and they work well.

Okay, now let’s talk a little about seeing.

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Seeing

What can I write about sight? Well, that as we develop as leaders, nay, as human beings, we develop more sight. Just like we feel, think, speak, act, and hear, we see more, see differently. It is a wonder, really.

Because I am a hyper-visual learner, I see a lot more, and then? Well, I always document it somehow, and then sometimes what I see is used, and sometimes it’s not. It matters less that what you are seeing is utilized, than it is that the possibility is created to utilize this new information in meaningful ways.

Here are some strategies I use to capture what I see.

  • Whiteboards – as I’ve written about before, whiteboards are a highly effective tool, especially for visual learners. I have three whiteboards at home, and many at work, including two white board walls in my office. Here is my simple whiteboard process.
    • Write out, sometimes it is linear, sometimes nonlinear, that which I’ve seen recently. Whatever insight that might be.
    • Let it sit for a day or two and reflect upon it. Sometimes I will add to the insight, sometimes not.
    • Take a picture of the whiteboard for later use.
    • If the insight is usable, put it into action in my life.
  • Journaling – a very effective strategy for capturing new ideas. Developing a pattern for your journaling is super helpful. I usually journal at the end of the day. Some people, however, like to do so in the morning. Timing matters less, than creating the time to journal when you can.
  • Post-its – as crazy as it may seem, post-its work very well when you are busy. I use them all the time, and then transfer them into my other organizational tools.
  • Graphics software – I’ve also been recently using venngage to take the new insight’s I’ve had, and transfer them into a cool visual for myself and the team. Super useful.

Alright, there are a few strategies I use to capture all that I see. And, I do capture just about all of it. There are times when an insight I’ve seen slips through my fingers, yet, when that occurs, I know that if it was needed, it will come back.

Closing Part 2

In closing part 2 of the leadership series, I would like to leave you with the consideration that both leadership psychology and sociology, as we’ve discussed them here, are both needed as we develop ourselves as leaders.

Understanding how we feel, think, speak, act, hear, and see, starts with us. Being more self-aware of who we are as, yes, a leader, and more importantly, as a human being.

The more we understand ourselves, the more we understand the people around us, both at work and at home.

And, when we are intune with ourselves and the people around us, we can create the possibility of more movement for ourselves, yes, and our teams and families. And, then? Well, with movement, comes traction.

When we get to traction with ourselves, and our teams and families, we get back so much more. It is quite amazing actually to reflect upon all that I get back. Absolutely amazing and quite beautiful.

Remember, it all starts with us. All that we think, feel, speak, act, hear, and see.

#activelistening, #beingpresent, #leadershipdevelopment, #listening, #seeing, #selfdevelopment, #selfimprovement, #sight, #takingnotes, #vision

The Reflection Series Part 3: What Does it Mean to Live A Life of Wonder?

A 3-Minute Reflection On Creating Wonder

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A week or two ago, I wrote a poem about wonder, and since then, I’ve been reflecting upon creating wonder. Yep. Wonder is all around us all the time, yet we don’t always see it. Hm. Why would that be, I wonder? Pun intended.

Alright, so let’s take a quick look at wonder, shall we? Good. Let’s go.

Though we can all probably agree on what wonder is, let’s define it real quick. Here we go.

wonder

Pronunciation /ˈwəndər/ 

Translate wonder into Spanish

NOUN

A feeling of surprise mingled with admiration, caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar, or inexplicable.

Lexico

There we go. That’s pretty straightforward. Yes? Yep.

Now, if we take all that we know, and then think about all that is knowable, I mean, really knowable, which is quite vast, we should often get a sense of surprise and admiration. Yep. Why?

Because there is so much around us to learn about, from people, yes, of course, and from just wondering about that which we see. Really.

The sky at night with the prolific array of stars and galaxies.

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The sky during the day, with the majestical and seemingly dancing clouds overhead.

Photo by Ritam Baishya on Unsplash

A forest, with trees dripping with water and covered in moss, a floor alive with movement and life. Phew. So much around us.

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

The issue? Well, quite simply, we have become habituated to doing, instead of being. A paradox? Yep, of course. Why?

Because the natural questions here is, what is the difference between doing and being? Yep. And?

Well, they look exactly the same. Yet, they are different. Hence the paradox.

When we are doing, and doing only, we are focused on the action at hand, and believe that we alone are responsible for that action and the related result.

When we are being, we are still doing, yet we are doing so, no pun intended that time, from a different state.

A state that impels us to an understanding that we are actors in a play, or drama, called life. And, that there is something going on here that is much larger than ourselves, which includes and connects each and everyone us us.

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Yep. That’s pretty much it.

In this state, there is still a focus on doing, yet the doing is part of that larger process. A process of life, yes, and of being. Beautiful.

As for creating wonder?

Well, it is really about being present to that larger process. Moving ourselves from the micro-level, if you will, to the macro-level.

Meaning, recognizing ourselves within the context of that larger process, and connection with everyone and everything.

When we are present to the larger process, called life, we become more aware of the beauty and wonder in all things and in each other.

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And, being present?

Well, that does take practice. As I’ve written about in many other posts, meditation has been transformational for me in many areas, presence being one of them.

However, you don’t necessarily need to take up a meditation practice to practice being present.

You can simply take a walk by yourself, and notice. Notice all that is around you. Watch as the leaves fall from the tree, as the clouds move across the sky, as people move from here to there, and notice the beauty and wonder in all of it.

It is quite majestical, and wonderous. Just like you are.

#beingpresent, #connection, #doingandbeing, #life, #lifeparadox, #oncreatingwonder, #processoflife, #reflectiononwonder, #wonderandlife

A Presence Poem

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Presence

You look out
And into the fray

Beholden to

Tomorrow’s worry
And yesterday’s scurry

Like a glimmer in front
Eyes see out, and

Touch

Ever so gently
Yet also intently

Searching and not
Yet finding, that
Which is already

Perching

Right there
In front of you

Shift the attention

And let the senses
Draw inward toward
The light and watch, as
A real delight commences

Clarity of Mind

Refocused
Watches in wonder
At all of the blessings

Expressing themselves
Right now, and
Once again, you see

That which is

Sparkling and dancing
In the light, which is also
Loving in delight, and

All at once, you are
Amazed at all of
The daylight

Now that was fun. Have a great evening.

#beingpresent, #poem, #poems, #presence, #writing

What Does Being Present Really Mean, and Why Does it Matter?

A Paradoxical Skill for Life

Just want the world to READ.

Have you ever thought about what it really means to be present? I mean really present. Present to yourself, to those that surround you, and to all that is around you? Hm.

For a long time, being present wasn’t something that was, well, present for me. Not so today. Being present is something that I am always present to; does that sound funny? Well, it is true.

And, yep, being present is a paradox, like most things in life. Meaning? Good question.

Meaning that being present is actually quite simple, and, yet, many people find it difficult. Why? Well, people are often focused on two other things. What two? Yep. Here you go.

  1. The Past – when you are focused on yesterday, you cannot be present today, in this moment.
  2. The Future – similarly, when you are focused on tomorrow, you cannot be present today, in this moment.

Hm. What to do?

Well, there are four strategies that I’ve found over the past three years that have increased my ability to let go of yesterday and tomorrow, and be present today. Yep. What are they?

Ready? Here we go.

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Meditation

In the post, Creating a Meditation Practice: 3 Steps in 4 Minutes, I write about three simple steps you can institute to develop a meditation practice.

Meditation is and has been an experience that, well, quite frankly, has transformed my life. How? Yep. Here are three ways.

  1. Increased focus – the focus you develop in meditation, focusing on the breath, or some other object, carries out to every area of your life.
  2. Developed patience – sitting for any duration of time, free of people and distractions, can be difficult, thus, doing so, greatly develops your ability to be patient. Both with yourself, and, of course, with others.
  3. Greater presence – when you sit in deep concentration, you also get to know your own mind much better. Meaning, that you can see your mind as your awareness grows. And, with a more expansive awareness comes an ability to shift your attention from yesterday and tomorrow to today.

When we intentionally create quiet time for ourselves, to be with ourselves, away from all people and distractions, we are able to breathe, reflect, and just be.

It takes time and assistance to develop a meditation practice. I mean to really develop a practice that is sustainable.

Meaning, learning from someone that has been schooled in the art of meditation is helpful. I still see someone regularly about my meditation practice, and, well, as I’ve written before, about all of life.

Remember, it takes time to develop a meditation practice. Example? Sure, here you go.

My initial meditation practice, what I then called breathing, was only once or twice a day for 2 to 5 minutes at a time. I could literally only sit still for that long. Yep. Today? Well, today, my meditation practice is much longer.

It just takes a dedication to practice. Practice daily, get some coaching, and it will come. Really, it will.

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Diet

Someone once told me, we are what we put into our bodies. I know, I know. A very common saying, and you’re right. Yet, it is also very true.

I spent a lot of years putting very unhealthy things into my body, yet have learned the truth of the aforementioned statement.

It’s really about energy and clarity. When you eat more whole foods and put less refined sugars into your body, you do have more energy, and equally more clarity.

What does that look like? Well, there are countless iterations of healthy diets. Really. What does mine look like today? Sure. It’s pretty simple.

  1. Fruits and veggies
  2. Beans, nuts, and some grains
  3. Greens

That’s basically it. Now, there are other things I do eat, for instance, I removed dairy from my diet about a year ago, so I now eat a dairyless oatmeal yogurt product. However, the core of my diet is listed above.

Now, also know that diets iterate. For instance, though at the moment, I’m not eating eggs, for example, eggs have been in and out of my diet several times in the past three years. Yep.

And?

Well, when you combine eating healthier with meditation, guess what? Your ability to be present also increases. And, there is another benefit. What, you ask? Yep.

Clarity. With a healthier diet and regular quiet time for ourselves comes more clarity. Fun.

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Exercise

This is a fun one, as there are two ways I think about exercise today. Ready? Here we go.

  1. Cardio and exercising to exercise – sounds funny, maybe? Well, what I mean is exercise, such as running, jogging, or hiking, lifting weights, if you like, and biking.
  2. Contemplative exercise – yep, really. What I mean here is taking a walk, by yourself, no headphones, phones, or other distractions, and just walk. Just like that. Contemplation time, just for you.

Both are important. Why?

Well, being active, and in motion, is good for the body and mind. It gets all of your muscles and joints moving, and gets your heart rate up.

And, spending time with yourself on a walk, for instance, is very healthy for your mind, and yes, your body too.

We all need time by ourselves, to contemplate, to just be present to all that’s around us, free of the myriad of distractions that typically hold our attention. Very helpful.

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Emotions

Okay, this is a very important one for me today, and, well, it is also important for you, and for everyone.

When we spend time inquiring into why we feel the way we do, we gain insight on what’s happening with ourselves, yes, true, and we also gain a better sense of our own humanity, and our shared humanity. Truth.

When we ignore our emotions, regardless of the type, guess what? They just sit under the surface, and sort of fester, if you will.

They don’t just go away, especially those emotions we would associate with “negative” experiences, thoughts, or feelings, such as sadness, worry, or anxiety. Yep.

Spending time writing out how we feel daily, if possible, has been a helpful practice for me. When we do this, we can ask ourselves questions, such as, why did that incident or situation, bother me?

We can then trace it back to where the originally thought, experience, or feeling originated. Takes practice, yet is a super helpful and therapeutic experience. And?

As we work through our emotions, we become lighter. Really. We end up carrying less emotionalness inside of us. And? Yep, we also become more present. True.

Alright, so we’ve covered 4 areas that contribute to our overall well-being, and presence. That was fun.

Here are some closing thoughts to round out our discussion.

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Closing Thoughts

When we

  • Meditate, or create quiet time for ourselves
  • Watch what we eat, reducing our intake of refined sugars and increasing our intake of whole foods
  • Get exercise, including contemplation time
  • Work on our inner-selves and our emotional well-being, well?

We understand ourselves much better. And?

When we understand ourselves better, guess what? We know when we are present, and when we are not; and, when we catch ourselves being distracted, we can let go of that distraction, regardless of what it is, and refocus on the present moment.

After all, it is really only the present moment that we ever have. Yesterday and tomorrow do not exist. Really. And guess what?

The more present you become to yourself, the more present you become to everyone and everything. It works that way; and is presently beautiful that way.

#beingpresent, #developingpresence, #emotionalintelligence, #emotions, #exercise, #healthydiet, #humandevelopment, #meditation, #presenceasaparadox, #psychology, #selfimprovement