Shining Heart

Photo by Erik Witsoe on Unsplash

watching life
move by, disengaged
as it rattles around
in my brain
without significance
or a way to rebound

detached
from reality,
like a kite that loses
it’s tether,
and flies off into
space with nary a
tarry nor a sound,
not heard, and never found

reflective processes
go unnoticed,
buried deep in
the heart, without
a tool to unearth
the myriad of possibilities
that live for a rebirth

then,

a shift
in consciousness
comes calling,
releasing the pain
a little at a time

and,

new tools
are brought forth,
provided by people
just like
you and me,
who’ve already
dug deep
removing the layers
of debris,
shining heart
we can now see


Utmost Feelings – Just Released!

If you’ve not yet checked out Astha’s Anthology, Utmost Feelings, well, you can now order it online. Here’s where you can find it:

Paperback-

Amazon US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/9390817455

Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/9390817455

Amazon DE: https://www.amazon.de/dp/9390817455

Amazon FR: https://www.amazon.fr/dp/9390817455

Amazon ES: https://www.amazon.es/dp/9390817455

Amazon IT: https://www.amazon.it/dp/9390817455

Amazon JP: https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/9390817455

Amazon CA: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/9390817455

Ebook

Payhip- https://payhip.com/b/DjE8x

Kobo Books- https://www.kobo.com/in/en/ebook/utmost-feelings

B&N Press- https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/utmost-feelings-astha-srivastava/1139758293?ean=2940162372431

#poetry, #connection, #contemplation, #emotions, #heart, #huamnity, #introspetion, #life, #love, #pain, #poem, #poems, #reflection, #resilience, #shiningheart

we wave goodbye

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

the tree sways
in the wind,
just as the life
we live comes to
bear on all our sins

past mistakes,
felt deep within,
often shunned,
in favor of a wide-
eyed grin

hiding the story
we’ve kept
bottled up,
and locked tight
away
from imaginings
of another day

we dig deep
into those fields
of amber,
and recollected
memories
of all our patterns

excavating them
one at a time,
we relish each moment,
even though,
we are present
to the pain conveyed

radiating from
the center,
shuttering, and
quaking from all
our errors

splitting time
in two,
past
meets present
in a dance of
healing, and
a whole lot of feeling

calmly,
we breathe
through the pain,
and realize
it’s just another day

one at a time,
now,
we prepare
ourselves
for a lullaby,
and to our
dismay, we
wave
goodbye


Utmost Feelings – Just Released!

If you’ve not yet checked out Astha’s Anthology, Utmost Feelings, well, you can now order it online. Here’s where you can find it:

Paperback-

Amazon US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/9390817455

Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/9390817455

Amazon DE: https://www.amazon.de/dp/9390817455

Amazon FR: https://www.amazon.fr/dp/9390817455

Amazon ES: https://www.amazon.es/dp/9390817455

Amazon IT: https://www.amazon.it/dp/9390817455

Amazon JP: https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/9390817455

Amazon CA: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/9390817455

Ebook

Payhip- https://payhip.com/b/DjE8x

Kobo Books- https://www.kobo.com/in/en/ebook/utmost-feelings

B&N Press- https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/utmost-feelings-astha-srivastava/1139758293?ean=2940162372431

#poetry, #contemplation, #emotions, #gain, #healing, #introspection, #life, #loss, #love, #pain, #poem, #poems

A Collective Magnitude

Photo by Daniel Olah on Unsplash

Fingers clutching,
gripping, and
ripping
at the pain,
tearing away, yet,
another piece of me
from the fray.

As they walk
along the edges
of my pain, I,
at times feel dismay, and
a growing sense of tame,
which was once only known
to me as shame.

I can taste the bitterness
of the pain endured,
and taught to me and you,
yet, for now, let us refrain.

We all learn to walk once,
and as age progresses, we
may learn to again
walk through
that door of obsessions.

A door once closed,
becomes a profound
sense of renewal,
just as a key lost
and now found,
opened the door

once more.

Heart fit the lock
just right, and
what came walking through,
sent me into
a love so cavernous,
it’s all one can do
to simply
become ravenous
.

Filling oneself
on life’s love,
jubilant and triumphant, and
all the while

humbled by gratitude
of a collective magnitude.


Utmost Feelings – Coming Soon!

If you’ve not yet checked out Astha’s Anthology, Utmost Feelings, please check it out when you have a chance, and share as you are able. Thank you.

Additionally, the coauthors of Astha’s Anthology, Utmost Feelings, are creating a space for people to send their sentiments to Astha’s family.

If you are interested, please add your sentiments to this form, thank you, and stay blessed.

#poetry, #connection, #gratitude, #heart, #humanity, #life, #love, #magnitude, #pain, #poem, #poems, #shared

Sealing and Healing

Photo by Anthony Intraversato on Unsplash

Trauma and pain
go together,
and as I sit here
and type this poem,
I’m reflecting upon
this person’s pain, and
all of the memories
that are the impetus for such
agony and drain.

The memories
are like splinters
in my heart,
and run deep, just like
a fracture in the earth,
which, in times of
great consternation
split wide open,
spilling forth
the earth’s contents
from it’s very core.

And,
just like our beautiful
Mother’s fractures,
these splinters of the heart,
widen with time,
until momentum enough
is created,
and everything comes
spilling forth.

Yet,
this truth does not
live in isolation
from the sealing
and healing
of those splinters of heart,
and fractures of earth,
which gather together
over time.

Acknowledging
their existence,
and filling them,
one and all,
with love and compassion
is a remedy
that I truly adore.

#poetry, #contemplation, #fractures, #heal, #heart, #introspection, #life, #love, #pain, #poem, #poems, #sealingandhealing

Becoming (2)

On December 3, 2020, I wrote and posted the poem, Becoming, and then about a week ago I wrote another poem, yep, you guessed it, also called Becoming. I’m sure this has happened to you, and it has for me too; yet, this time, I wanted to post the second poem as it is, title and all.

In a way, I think it is perfectly appropriate for this past year. A time of struggle, death, and extreme hardship in so many different ways; and a time of hope, life, and extreme gratitude. I am holding these concepts with you, and the space inbetween, as I present this second poem on becoming.

As I sit and ponder, and also wonder,
and, yes, sometimes feel flustered with
the emotions coming, all the while I know
I’m becoming.

Something different each day, while sitting
in the midst of the presence of the thinking
and never ending feelings.

It’s hard as the tears come,
sometimes it’s a trickle and not a flood. While
at other times, the flood would feel like a respite,
with the tsunami of tears pouring forth.

Sometimes it’s a song, or a quick flash
of a not so distant past. It feels, moves, and
pushes the limits of the pain I think is possible
to bear, and then just when I think subside is in
stride, I break again.

Darkness envelops me, and I bend over
the pain pulling me towards the floor, where
at times I feel like I’ll learn more.

Just lay there and be, and let the emotions
wash over me. One wave and then the next,
they pass through, and time becomes something
extraordinary.

And, yet, my dear, just like you, they stop coming,
all the while there’s still more incoming. I pick myself up,
wash my face, and look at the person staring back
through the picture of my mirrored life forthcoming.

He wears a smile with swollen eyes, face damp
with the salted tears of years of trying. Yet, deep down
he knows, while trying is a piece of the whole, it’s in
the doing where the scattered fragments
become one, as we march towards
our continual becoming.

#poetry, #becoming, #death, #emotions, #hope, #life, #loss, #love, #pain, #poem, #poems

Pain

Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash

Comes
In many forms, and
Begins
When you are born,

To this world
Of misery,
And jubilation, yes,

They do coexist,
And are stable

A match made in
Heaven, they say

Though it’s quite
Possible, some are
Astray, lost beyond the

Dunes of hope

Yet,
They too
Will find their way
Back to a joyous heart

Before they
Depart this plane

And watch the pain
Melt away

Know though,
You may stay
On this plane, and
Find a release

From your birthright
Of pain

And, yes,
It does
Take days to
Conceive of the

Proper place
To set down
Your burden

Yet,
Also know
There are places
Found for such excursions

Within

So, take the
Time needed, and
Dive deep toward
Your center

Where your pain is
Like a lost treasure,
Residing, and,
Maybe too, hiding,

Awaiting an
Uncovering

A freeing
Among the rest, so
Don’t be beset,
Go into your pain,
And let it rain

Until

The day
Comes to say
All is as it should be,

And wave goodbye
to it all

Letting go,
Of the pain
You’ve been carrying
With forestalled
Anticipation, and
Clever precipitation,

Be as it may,
Your pain, my dear, will
Eventually go away

#poetry, #heart, #joy, #life, #love, #pain, #poem, #poems

Loss

Photo by Anne Nygård on Unsplash

Happens
To us all
Even when
We’d rather

Forestall

The pain, and
Grief
From coming

Close

At heart, we hold
Those dear,
And, when there’s

A suddenance
To the loss,
We fall backward
And out of

Cadence

With our normal
Rhythm
Of life, not because
We’re made of strife

Rather, because
We’re a part of this
Very life,
Which contains

Both,
Misery and joy,
And, yes, we do
Employ them both, and

It’s okay to feel them

As needed,
Even prescriptive
When hidden

And, now I’m

At your hospital bed,
Awaiting your return

Hoping and praying

That it’s not
Your turn, yet
Knowing it’s likely

As we can see
The signs
Written
Upon

The wall of your life,

Nay, our life,
Together

Because, yes, we
Were friends, and
Strangers in some ways

Until the very end

And in coping
I try to understand
Why it happened

So fast, and am
Reminded it’s
Not mine to pretend

To know
The answers
My friend

I called you
My dad,
And, did until
The end

With that last
Kiss upon you
Forehead,
I rendered the loss

Of my father, and
Dearest friend

#poetry, #dad, #emotions, #greif, #heart, #joy, #life, #loss, #love, #misery, #pain, #poem, #poems

The Blog + Video Series 2: Writing and Life Series #4 – On Pain and Healing Through Writing

How many of you write as a release? Write to get the ideas, thoughts, concerns, dreams, wishes, and hopes out of your head and into a format that you can read and reflect upon. Yes, no? Maybe?

For most of my life, I didn’t. I didn’t regularly write out any of the aforementioned. Not because I wouldn’t have found it beneficial, more because I didn’t really know how. Sounds funny. It is true though.

I would tinker with writing here and there, yet never really developed a system to do so. What I realize now is that having a systematic way you write, or enter into any creative process is, at least for me, very helpful.

It is how I can continue to do so. To write through my pain and heal.

I find that writing of any kind, on a whiteboard, in a journal, in a computer document, anything, is very therapeutic. Why? Because you can then study what you are thinking, instead of simply thinking about it.

There is an important distinction here.

If you only ever think about something, you don’t really do anything with it, with the exception of maybe obsessing over it or worrying about it. Which, in the end, does nothing to move you forward as a human being.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is anh-nguyen-v-nbxj3yv5o-unsplash.jpg
Photo by Anh Nguyen on Unsplash

What are some of the writing strategies I use to work through my pain and heal?

I have several different ways that I get ideas out of myself and into the world. And, all of them work well. For, it is really less about the strategy, than that you develop the habit of writing through any situation or context that you find yourself in. From pain toward healing.

Here are some strategies I use daily.

  1. Whiteboards – I have three at home, and many at work, which include a complete whiteboard wall in my office. Very helpful. And, yes, there is also pain and healing that happens at work. It’s not just in our personal life that we need a release for our pain, whether that is frustration or some other emotion we are working through. I actually think that it is in the writing, considering, and working through the pain that healing occurs.
  2. Post-its – on the go, these work very well. I will typically then collect them on a piece of paper, or tape them to a larger 2’x3′ post-it, so that I can play with the ideas. See what’s there, and what possibilities I can see for moving forward.
  3. Journaling – I don’t write in a journal as often today, yet it is still a strategy that I recommend. Especially if you are new to writing about your own pain.

Those are the top three I’ve used, and use daily. And, they all work well, and can be used in combination. Example.

I will also tape post-it’s to pieces of paper, and put them on my magnetic whiteboard. Good visual, and easy to move around, and play with.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is paul-hanaoka-4zah0dggomi-unsplash.jpg
Photo by Paul Hanaoka on Unsplash

Why write through your pain to heal?

Because we all need the release. When we hold all of our pain inside, we cannot heal. It will reside within us, and actually make us ill. Not helpful.

Moving forward from pain, especially deep pain, requires visiting that pain often. Understanding it, working on it, and eventually releasing it. Carrying it around is unnecessary, though many people live this way.

Writing opens us up, and is a safe way to get out that which resides within. There are many different ways to write about pain. You can simply write about the pain, or you can create poems, or other stories about the pain.

What matters more than the writing medium you use, is that you provide yourself the opportunity to heal. Very important.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is jude-beck-j7jocq7lkay-unsplash.jpg
Photo by Jude Beck on Unsplash

Know also that it takes time to heal. You may write about something that is causing you pain, and not know healing from that pain for some time. For me, it also takes reflecting upon the pain in my writing.

When I can sit and contemplate that pain, I can see more, and have new insights. It is common for me to go back to something I’ve written several times before I can see a pathway to healing. Very normal.

How can you get started?

Start writing. Write on anything and at any time. Get your pain out of you and into the world so you can actually see it, and work on it. Important.

If you leave your pain inside of you, that is where it will always remain. Literally.

Choose times that work best for you, and create a habit of writing often. For it is in the healthy habit that you create to write about your pain often, that you have the best opportunity to know healing from that pain, and all pain.

Developing a healthy writing habit that is honest and reflective of the pain that lives inside of you creates a connection between your mind and your heart. And, it is inside of the connection between the two that all healing lives.

Write well and heal well.

#healing, #health, #internal-work, #introspection, #mindfulness, #pain, #self-development, #wellbeing, #writing, #writing-habits

You Are Not Your Fear

Photo by Melanie Wasser on Unsplash

I used to believe that I was my emotions. Confusion. I did not know then, like I am beginning to understand now, that emotions simply happen. They, like thoughts, are a product of the very human stimulus response system.

When something happens in our context, we have a thought about that happening, and that thought will usher in an emotion. That emotion will be a product of the thought pattern, simple.

However simple that seams, people do not always find it simple to understand how their emotions work. Why is this so? Most people are not taught how to understand their emotions. Why? Because their parents or caretakers did not know how to understand their emotions either. A cycle.

And, the cycle is created again each generation. A large part of why the cycle continues, is that people are afraid of their emotions. Then you have, people that are not taught how to understand their emotions, while also living in fear of their emotions. A very difficult combination. I know, I lived in it most of my adult life.

However, what I have come to realize is that we are not our emotions. We are not, then our fear. We have emotions, we have fear, yet we are not those emotions, or that fear.

In order to understand our emotions, as I’ve written in other posts, we have to look at your feelings, and begin to question why we feel the way we do. Not a simple task. In fact, it can be quite painful. However, on the other side of this pain is release.

A release from the suffering, which may manifest itself as resentment, grief, sadness, anger, frustration, or any other feeling, you’ve been holding onto. Looking into these emotions and their associated feelings is a discovery process, which can enlighten us to new ways to understand our own humanity.

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

I’ve been looking into my emotions for a couple of years now. In this time, I’ve come to realize that there is nothing to fear about our emotions, and those feelings, which often don’t feel so great. When we take the time needed to understand why we feel as we do, we can begin to heal.

Heal from whatever suffering we’ve been holding onto. And, in our healing we create the possibility that those around us can also heal. How is this so? Because as we begin to understand our feelings, we learn about ourselves. And, in our learning, we create a deeper understanding of other people’s suffering.

When we understand other people’s suffering, because we understand our own, we can stand with them. We can give ourselves compassion, and then give compassion to others as well. Realizations like this, and the associated practical work needed to create this realization, also creates a deeper understanding of the human experience, of which having emotions is a part.

I used to think that the human experience was about “being happy,” or finding my purpose. I’ve since come to realize that happiness, and purpose, like our emotions, live within us. Because they live within us, it is our responsibility to understand how they function. Both pain and happiness, and fear.

However, I’ve also come to realize that though we have fear, like anger or frustration, or any other emotion, we are not our emotions. However, when we hold onto an emotion, like fear, what happens? We get more of it, which is why people become confused, as I once did about anger, believing that they are that emotion. No so.

We are no more our emotions, than we are our thoughts. Emotions happen. They are a reaction to our environment, a response. When we understand this as true on an intellectual level, it is helpful. And, when we understand it on a visceral level, it is freedom.

Freedom from the cage we’ve constructed for ourselves. Cages made of fear, anger, frustration, etc. You are not your emotions, and you are not your thoughts. Therefore, dear reader, you are not your fear. You just are. I take great peace in this knowing, and hope that you might too.

#emotions, #fear, #feelings, #healing, #pain, #self-development, #suffering