3 Reasons Why Thinking About and Practicing Integrity Differently is Important to Your Life

On Being Whole, Complete, and Our Word

Photo by Kevin Crosby on Unsplash

Have you ever thought about the word integrity? I mean really thought about it?

People use the word often, yet, I think, there is some confusion, or, rather, maybe there is a better way to understand integrity as a concept and as a practice. Ready? Let’s go.

integrity

noun  /ɪnˈteɡrəti/ /ɪnˈteɡrəti/[uncountable]

the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles

Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries

There we go.

Okay, honesty and morality, such as right and wrong and good and bad. Hm. I’m not the biggest fan of right and wrong and good and bad. Why?

Because, good and bad and right and wrong, like happiness and sadness go together. Meaning?

That you cannot have goodness without badness, nor can you have rightness without having wrongness. Striving, then, for such concepts, such as being right and good, is folly, and can cause pain and suffering.

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

We are all going to be both bad and good, and wrong and right sometimes. Inevitable. Hm.

Let’s try something different.

How about we think about integrity as whole and complete. Here is the next part of the definition from Oxford.

the state of being whole and not divided

Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries

There. The difference, you ask?

Well, a state of being whole and complete, or undivided, increases the workability inside of the concept of integrity.

It takes away the judgment that can be found, and cast in the previous portion of the definition focused on good and bad, and right and wrong. Yep.

Therefore, if we think about integrity as being whole and complete, and a matter of that which is said, or our word, integrity stays within us; an, internal concept, if you will.

Here you go.

“We distinguish integrity as a phenomenon of the objective state or condition of an object, system, person, group, or organizational entity, and define integrity as: a state or condition of being whole, complete, unbroken, unimpaired, sound, perfect condition.” Werner Erhard

Quote Tab

There we go.

When we start the conversation about integrity as an understanding that we are all just as we are supposed to be, today, right now, just so. We start from a place of understanding, not judgment. Important.

Further, adding our word as the highest state of integrity, there is always workability. How? Simple. Communication.

Meaning, that if we are going to be out of integrity, we simply communicate this fact. Sounds simple, yes?

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Well, many people struggle with this concept. Really. Think about how many times someone said they were going to do something, and they didn’t.

And, then think about how often they communicated to you they weren’t going to do it. Yep. Happens all the time. To me, to you, to everyone.

And, this is not a judgment. It just is. We are still whole and complete, regardless. We all are. Having integrity within this conversation means creating an intention to do as you say, and when you can’t or choose not to, to communicate about it. That’s all.

Why does this conception of integrity work?

Here are three reasons why.

1. Release Right and Wrong

When we know that we are whole and complete, just as we are, right now, in this moment, we can release notions of right and wrong. Integrity in this conception is not about being right or being wrong.

It’s about being our word, and when we are unable to do something we said we would, we simply communicate about it. That’s it.

Releasing right and wrong from our notions of integrity decreases stress and anxiety about trying to live up to an ideal that no human can really live up to, and need not try.

Photo by Amy Treasure on Unsplash

2. Let Go of Good and Bad and Right and Wrong

Being whole and complete also means that we can let go of ideas we have about being good and right, or being bad and wrong.

Integrity in this conversation has nothing to do with ideas of good and bad, or right and wrong, which is helpful. As was aforementioned, we are all “good and right” and “bad and wrong” sometimes.

Letting go of being good and bad, and right and wrong also reduces stress we might feel about trying to be something other than we are right now; and, may also reduce stress-associated anxiety that we may feel striving for conceptions of integrity that are impossible to fulfill.

3. Accept the Reality of Integrity

We are all out of integrity sometimes. Everyone says they’ll do something, and then is unable to follow through for some reason. Remember, integrity is not about being perfect, nor is it about being right and being good.

It’s about doing what we say, and then if we are unable, communicating about it.

Understanding and practicing integrity this way also reduces stress and anxiety people have about trying to live up to a perfect ideal of integrity that does not actually exist.

Photo by Marc-Olivier Jodoin on Unsplash

You are already a perfect human being, just as you are. Really. The iteration of you that you are today is exactly who you are supposed to be. How do I know that? Well, because that is the iteration you are today.

It is not the iteration that will exist tomorrow, nor in the next moment. It works that way.

You are whole and complete just as you are. And, your word is all the integrity you need. Chasing after other conceptions of integrity, such as being right and good is a never ending merry-go-round that will only ever leave you dizzy, stressed, and anxious.

Time to jump off that merry-go-round.

#goodandbad, #humandevelopment, #integrity, #leadership, #lettinggoofrightandwrong, #life-lessons, #psychology, #realityofintegrity, #releasingrightandwrong, #rightandwrong, #selfdevelopment, #selfimprovement

A Blogger’s Diary 10/10/20: On Spirituality, Science, and Writing

Photo by Adam Dutton on Unsplash

Milarepa

Alright, so last week a good friend of mine gave me the book Tibet’s Great Yogi, Milarepa: A Biography from the Tibetan. Wow. The last book that gave me that many insights, which I still read, was the Bhagavad Gita. Powerful.

Milarepa is an account of a great Yogi Sage, Jetsun Milarepa.

What I loved the most about the book, similar to the Bhagavad Gita, was the multiple connections to life today. Yep.

For instance, there is a part in the story where Milarepa is asked by his Guru to build a house on a particular piece of land. Well, Milarepa did as he was told. And?

Milarepa’s Guru came to inspect the work, and although the work was fine, the Guru said, hm, nope that’s not quite right. You’ll need to pull that entire structure down, and start again over yonder. Wow.

Photo by James Wheeler on Unsplash

Well, this happened 9 times. Yep. 9. What’s the point? Hm.

Think about life. How many times has life said to you, nope, that’s not quite right, try again? Yep, of course. Me too.

That’s what life’s about. Creating, acting, learning, growing, and loving, with both our minds and hearts.

Milarepa’s Guru was teaching him persistence, discipline, and about the trials and tribulations of being a human being on this planet; and, the compassion and grace we all need, both for ourselves and for each other. Important.

The Dalai Lama

Right, so the next book is Dalai Lama, My Son: A Mother’s Autobiography. It is good so far. Very interesting, well written, and, of what I’ve reads thus far, a wonderful historical account of Diki Tsering, the Dalai Lama’s mother’s, upbringing.

Now, the reason I brought this book up is this, ready?

So, I start reading the book a couple of nights ago, and it occurs to me to watch a little television. And?

I turn on the television, and guess what show comes up first? Ha! Watch.

YouTube

Check that out! Fun.

Anyway, so I watch the documentary, and it is wonderful. You can find it on Peace Jam. What’s it about?

Well, essentially, it is about conversations that scientists and the Dalai Lama have been conducting for over 30 years. It is a fun exploration and comparison of what is termed in the documentary as Western Science and as Buddhist Science.

I’ve always known, and have read quite a bit about the similarities between things that happen in laboratories experimenting with quantum physics, and the body-mind laboratory experimenting with deep meditation.

I have, however, developed a whole new level of experiential knowledge in the latter area over the past three years, so the documentary was even more fascinating.

What’s Next?

I had a blast writing the two social construction installments this week.

  1. The Social Construction Series Part 4: The Social Construction of Reality
  2. The Social Construction Series Part 5: The Social Construction of Time

I had already planned on writing the social construction of reality, and then the social construction of time just showed up. Just like this post. Happens like that. Fun.

Right, well, I’m also almost done with the post on integrity. Has been fun. And, I’m also working on a post about servant leadership, and I have a few more ideas, we will see.

Alright, that’s it for now.

Here is to each of you. For being the human beings you are, just as you are, right now. You are just so.

I appreciate each of you. I have tremendously enjoyed all of the wonderful posts and conversations we’ve had this year, both on your blogs and on mine. So much fun.

I look forward to many more conversations in the weeks, months, and years to come.

You are love and light.

Be well and have a wonderful Sunday, and week ahead.

#blogger, #bloggers-diary, #blogging, #blogs, #dalailama, #diary, #milarepa, #science, #spirituality, #writing

The Social Construction Series Part 5: The Social Construction of Time

7 Reasons Why Understanding Time as A Social Construction is Important to Your Life

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Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash

How often do you run from here to there, and back, checking the clock on the wall, in the kitchen, on your wrist, or on your phone? Yep, normal, we all do it, or, rather, have done it.

Time is such an important part of our life. We construct our whole lives, in fact, around it. Yep. Time. When we get up, when we eat, when we work, how we work, when we sleep. All of it.

Yet, time also provides people with tons of stress and anxiety. Really. How often have you said, or heard, or both, there’s just not enough time in the day? Yep. We’ve all said it, say it, and have heard many, or, rather, most people say it.

Phew. It’s tiring. Really.

I remember a time in my life where I was more concerned about what time it was, then about what I was doing with my time. Maybe you can relate?

Either way, time is not what we think it is.

Time is actually socially constructed. Meaning, it doesn’t even really exist, except for that we create it, agree upon it, and as has been aforementioned, organize our lives around it.

A social construction, you ask? Sure. Here you go.

social construct

Pronunciation /ˌsəʊʃl ˈkɒnstrʌkt/

NOUN

A concept or perception of something based on the collective views developed and maintained within a society or social group; a social phenomenon or convention originating within and cultivated by society or a particular social group, as opposed to existing inherently or naturally.

Lexico

There we go.

Now, time, you ask? Well, I think we can all agree upon the definition of time, yet, let’s go ahead and define it anyway. Here you go.

time

Pronunciation /tīm/ /taɪm/ 

Translate time into Spanish

NOUN

The indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.‘travel through space and time’

1.1 The progress of time as affecting people and things.‘things were getting better as time passed’

1.2 Time or an amount of time as reckoned by a conventional standard.‘it’s eight o’clock Eastern Standard Time’

1.3 The personification of time, typically as an old man with a scythe and hourglass.‘Power began to flow out from Father Time’s scythe.’

Lexico

That’s fun.

Alright, so here’s what we have so far.

A social construction is something that is constructed and agreed upon by a group of people, of which time, as in the continued progress of existence and events as in the past, present, and future, is one. Phew.

You may now ask, well, there is a past, present, and future, therefore time exists. Yet, I would invite you to really think about that. Does the past really exist, or the future for that matter?

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Photo by Kevin Ku on Unsplash

Think about what you are doing right now. Does the past exist in the present moment? Does the future? Nope. They don’t.

The only thing that ever really exists is the present moment. Right now; and, then right now, and now. That’s it.

Therefore time is in many ways irrelevant, an illusion actually. Yet, we continue to create our whole lives around it. Pretty powerful.

You may now be saying. Okay. Fine. Yet, why is understanding time as a social construction important? Very well.

Let’s take a look at

7 Reasons Why Understanding Time as A Social Construction is Important to Your Life

1. Increased Flexibility

When we hold time as a social construct, we are more flexible because we understand that there is an infinite amount of time to do all that we’d like to do. Really.

We become more flexible as we continue to consider time as something that we can choose to release ourselves from. We know at a different level that, yes, we need to move our work and lives forward, however, we also know that there is plenty of time to do so.

2. Less Stress

As we become more flexible, holding the awareness that time is socially constructed, which takes practice, we then realize that we can release the stress that we create about time-bound situations and events. Yep.

We can release that stress, and replace it with a renewed interest in being present. Present to everything in our lives, in each and every moment. Precious.

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Photo by Motoki Tonn on Unsplash

3. Reduced Anxiety

Holding time within ourselves differently, which creates less stress, also reduces our overall anxiety levels. There are so many people on this planet that have high levels of anxiety.

Yes, about lots of things, yet, considering time as one of the most important aspects of our lives causes a ton of that stress and, yep, related anxiety.

Yet, releasing that time-bound stress, releases the anxiety. Very helpful.

4. Greater Understanding

We also learn more about ourselves, and then have a greater understanding of, yes, ourselves, and about all people. We can connect with people on another level entirely. Why?

Because, we have connected to ourselves on an entirely different level. It works that way. We become more aware of our time-bound habits, and then can see them more clearly in ourselves and in others. Helpful.

5. More Grace

As we are more aware of our own behaviors related to time, and practice releasing the stress and anxiety that develops as a product of time-bound thinking, we can give ourselves more grace. And?

We can also extend that grace to others. If there is one thing on this planet we can all us more of, it’s grace. Given to ourselves and to each other. Important.

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Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

6. Deeper Compassion

Along with granting ourselves more grace, we also develop a deeper level of compassion for the human condition. Most all of us are socialized to place importance on time.

With that knowledge, we can release ourselves from any blame or shame for the stress we’ve caused ourselves and others at the expense of time-bound thinking and acting.

And, as we deepen the compassion we have for ourselves, we also deepen the compassion we can extend toward others. Lovely.

7. More Peace

With our practice of holding time differently in our awareness, we also have more peace. More peace about all aspects of our lives that we once associated with time-bound situations and events, and the associated outcomes, or results.

And, when we have more peace, we can also extend that peace out to everyone. Phew. That is important.

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Photo by Christopher Sardegna on Unsplash

Alright, there are 7 Reasons Why Considering Time as a Social Construction is Important to Your Life. Fun.

Remember, time is only important, when we create that importance. I’m not saying that we don’t take our commitments and agreements that are time-bound seriously.

Those time-bound commitments and agreements are very important. My days are full of them; and, I mean full. All day, every day.

Yet, we don’t have to associate time-bound commitments and agreements with a stressful conception of time. It’s a paradox, like most things in life.

You can both hold time as a socially constructed illusion and as an important aspect of your life in regard to meeting our commitments and agreements.

It is really in between the two, considering ourselves as bound in time and not, where you have the power to live, laugh, and love with less stress and anxiety, and way more flexibility, understanding, grace, compassion, and peace.

Be well. Consider well.

#anxiety, #compassion, #flexibility, #grace, #humandevelopment, #peace, #philosophy, #selfimprovement, #socialconstruct, #socialconstruction, #sociology, #stress, #timeasanillusion, #timeasasocialconstruction, #understanding

From Within and Without – A Friday Poem

Photo by Delaney Van on Unsplash

Within

we go and there is light

yet without we face

in troubled delight

that light

waxes and wanes

as we begin to believe

without

is what is right

though there is a knowing

deep inside

that the light within

is even more right

no waxing, no waning

constant

and ever-friendly

so

before you go

to sleep this night

remember

that the light within

is ever bright

and

is a part of your birthright.

Be well, have a wonderful weekend.

#death, #introspection, #intuition, #life, #love, #poem, #poems, #reality

The Social Construction Series Part 4: The Social Construction of Reality

A Fluid Representation of Many Worlds

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

In the first installment of the Social Construction Series, we discussed why understanding social constructionism is important to our daily lives. How we interpret our world, think and feel about it; choices we make, and practices we keep, or let go of. Important.

In the second installment, we discussed the importance of understanding that all knowledge is socially constructed. All of it. And, how the production, distribution, and access, or lack thereof, to knowledge affects our lives. Also important.

In the third installment, we discussed the importance of understanding that our identities, every part of them, are also socially constructed. Giving us power and the freedom to create our identity as we want it to be, not as someone has said it should be.

In this fourth installment, we will discuss the social construction of reality; and, why considering a different way to think about reality as important to our lives, to your life. Important to the human being you are today, and the human being you want to be tomorrow. Ready? Let’s go.

Well, what exactly is reality? How does it function, and why do we understand our world as the reality it is? Hm. Let’s define reality, shall we. Here we go.

reality

noun OPAL WOPAL S /riˈæləti/ /riˈæləti/(plural realities)Idiom

[uncountable] the true situation and the problems that actually exist in life, in contrast to how you would like life to be

Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries

Very good. Ah, I see. Reality is a true situation. Well, then what does truth mean. Let’s take a look. Stay with me.

truth

noun  /truːθ/ /truːθ/(plural truths  /truːðz/  /truːðz/)Word FamilyIdioms

the truth [singular] the true facts about something, rather than the things that have been invented or guessed

Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries

Okay, here’s what we have so far.

Reality is a true, or factual account of a situation inherent with problems that exist in contrast to what you’d like your reality to be. Hm. Not sure about these definitions. How about you? Let’s look at a different way to think about reality.

Here you go.

“Human existence is, ab initio, an ongoing externalization. As man externalizes himself, he constructs the world into which he externalizes himself. In the process of externalization, he projects his own meanings into reality. Symbolic universes, which proclaim that all reality is humanly meaningful and call upon the entire cosmos to signify the validity of human existence, constitute the farthest reaches of this projection.80 b.”
― Peter L. Berger, 

The Social Construction of Reality: A Treatise in the Sociology of Knowledge

Alright, so what do you read here? Okay. Well, let me tell you what I read.

That reality, all reality, is a projection of what it is that we think it is. That’s about it.

Reality is about a created truth, our factual account, of a situation inherent with problems, and possibilities, that is seen to exist.

And, who prey, creates it and sees it? Well, you do, I do.

Our realities, however, are different. Your reality is not the same as mine, which is why having general statements, as in the aforementioned definitions from Oxford, are problematic. They’re not inclusive enough, and leave people wanting, and, in some cases, confused.

Right, well, what then?

Let’s take a look at 5 reasons why understanding the social construction of reality as a fluid representation of a world, nay many worlds (over 7 billion in fact), is important to your life. Ready? Here we go.

A Fluid Representation of Many Worlds

If we begin to consider reality as fluid, always shifting and moving, we release ourselves from the false notion that reality is in some way a static, or solid, representation of that which we see. Make sense?

Reality is influenced by several key factors. Here are a few.

  1. Our current state of mind
  2. Our emotional state
  3. Our past
  4. Our present situation
  5. Our future

Complex, yet simple. Another fun paradox.

Let’s look at each of these in more detail.

1. Our current state of mind

What we believe, we see. Yep. True. If we believe the world is full of bad people with hidden agendas, guess what we’ll see? Yep. A world full of bad people with hidden agendas.

Conversely, if we believe the world is full of good people with noble intentions, yes, that is what we will see.

Now, the world is not binary.

The world is full of both, that which we will find good and that which we will find bad. The point is that, what we expect to see, is what we will see; and, that then becomes our reality.

2. Our emotional state

Our emotions, like our mind, are powerful. How we feel, especially if we are sensitive to our emotions, like I am, influences how we see the world.

If we feel hopeful, we will see hope. If we feel despair, yep, we will see despair. It works that way. Again, complex, and yet quite simple.

Of course, we know that we have many emotions within us, and they come and go like waves in the ocean. Here, then gone, here again, then gone again.

The point is when we are unaware of our emotional state, we are not aware of how our emotions are influencing our perception of reality.

Photo by Ashkan Forouzani on Unsplash

3. Our past

When we focus on our past, especially when that past is full of things we label as a problem, we can literally bring those problems into our present reality. Really.

If we are focusing more on what happened yesterday, than the present context, we are creating a disruption in the reality right in front of us, and, in effect, replacing that reality with an alternative version from a past time.

However, when we are aware that our minds work this way, we can catch ourselves living in the past, and shift our attention back to the present moment, and let go of the past.

4. Our present situation

If we are not at peace with our present reality, we will continue to see issues and problems. In effect, creating even more issues and problems as possible.

When we fight against the reality we see, we make our current reality into a larger problem, and, at the same time, increase our own pain and suffering.

However, if we recognize this pattern, or habit, we can disrupt the habit and replace it with understanding and grace. We can change our reality into something that is more congruent with what we want to see. Finding more peace and harmony in the process.

5. Our future

When we are scared of the future, or feel like the future will only ever be a reproduction of the past, limited and painful, that is what our future will be. Simple. That which we put our attention on expands, and becomes our reality.

Yet, when we let go of our past, and remain open to our future being all that we want it to be, we can begin to shift our attention and create a reality that is quite different.

We can begin to create the future reality that we want to manifest. One that is full of possibility.

Photo by Hu Chen on Unsplash

Many worlds

Reality is fluid and dynamic, not stable and static. And, we have the power within us to create the reality we want to live into. We do.

There are over 7 billion worlds (realities) on this planet. One reality for each of us. Yep. The paradox?

Sure, here you go.

Though there are over 7 billion worlds on this one planet, there are certain things we agree on. Yep. Example? Sure, we all mostly agree that a tree is a tree, right? The sun is the sun, the stars are stars.

Yet, know that a tree, the sun, and the stars were not always called such. They weren’t. There was a time when they were called something else, and a time when they were called nothing at all. They just existed. That’s it.

Know that the reality you want to live into is available to you. Has been, is, and will always be available.

Reality is socially constructed by each of us every minute of every day. Next time you find yourself frustrated about your current reality, ask yourself why that’s so.

Here are a couple questions you can ask yourself.

  1. In my current state of mind, am I expecting to see frustration?
  2. Is my emotional state having an impact on how I am seeing my reality?
  3. Am I thinking about my past experiences, and bringing them into my present reality?
  4. Am I not at peace with my present situation?
  5. Am I thinking that the future will only ever be a reproduction of my past?

When you ask yourself these questions, see what you get back. And, shift your attention away from these thoughts and emotions, and to the present reality. And?

Begin to create the future you’ve been waiting for. Make that future your reality now, today. You are the only one that can do so.

Create well.

#emotionalintelligence, #humandevelopment, #philosphy, #psychology, #realityasmanyworlds, #selfdevelopment, #socialconstruction, #socialconstructionism, #sociology, #thesocialconstructionofreality

A Blogger’s Diary 10/6/20: On Social Constructionism, Integrity, and A Final Note on Curiosity

Photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash

A few weeks ago I started the social construction series, which includes two entries:

  1. The Social Construction Series Part 1: 7 Reasons Why Understanding Social Constructions Is Important
  2. The Social Construction Series Part 2: 5 Reasons Why Understanding The Social Construction of Knowledge is Important

Now I’m working on a third; the social construction of reality. Yep. And, why is understanding the social construction of reality important? Hm. Power.

As we discussed in 4 Reasons Why Language Is Power, how we describe our reality in language, whether we are describing something internal or external to ourselves, is powerful. It is in essence the reality that we know.

Writing the piece on the social construction of reality is really fun; and, I hope you will all enjoy it.

Photo by Alexander Dummer on Unsplash

Right, so integrity. What’s the deal with integrity? Important, yes? I’ve actually read a couple of posts in the past couple of weeks that have mentioned integrity, and I am excited to add my lens to the mix this week.

I think about integrity a little differently, which simply means I conceptualize, internalize, and practice integrity in a way that pushes on the traditional notions of integrity.

It is important to investigate definitions, to push on them when needed, and to conceptualize them differently when they don’t work as intended.

The definition of reality and truth, as we will discuss in the social construction of reality is a good example of this notion, as is the post I am writing on integrity. Will be fun.

Photo by Juan Encalada on Unsplash

Alright, I also wanted to close the book, for now, on curiosity with one final note. Ready?

As we discussed in the post, Why Curiosity Didn’t Kill The Cat: 7 Reasons Why Remaining Curious Can Move You From a Fixed Mindset to a Growth Mindset, remaining curious is important to our development.

Maintaining a growth mindset, which I will also write more about in the next couple of weeks, by remaining curious means that we get to take in all of the wonder that surrounds us.

That’s important right now. Maybe more important than ever before.

Remaining curious means taking time for yourself. Taking time to be quiet, to walk by yourself, for yourself, to reflect, to question, to contemplate, and to discover.

When we take time for ourselves, we get back so much more. It is a paradox. Often people think that being continuously busy is the way to get back more, or to progress more, or to move themselves forward more.

And, being active, actively creating the life you want to manifest for yourself is important, yet, not at the expense of your own internal contemplation, reflection, and discovery time.

Example? Sure.

Yesterday, I came home from a very busy day, and immediately took a nap. Yep, been doing that more often. Feels good. Refreshing.

Watch what happens though. Ready?

Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

I then got up, had a little something to eat, and started working again. And, guess what? I became frustrated? Why?

Because I had essentially gone from work, to sleep, and back to work. What did I do?

I stopped, turned out the light, and meditated for 30-minutes. And?

Inside of that meditation I had a couple of really nice insights, which then fueled the rest of my evening. Meaning that I switched from work, to writing, and developed this week’s ideas for my blog.

My invitation to you on this wonderful Tuesday evening is to remember to take time for yourself. Unplug, go for a walk, meditate, just sit. Do whatever it is that you do to refresh your inner-self.

It is in this space where curiosity and everything else in life for that matter lives; and, where you will find the answers to the questions you are asking yourself right now.

Take time for you. You deserve it.

#blogger, #bloggers-diary, #blogging, #curiosity, #integrity, #socialconstruct, #socialconstruction, #socialconstructionism, #sociology

The Paradox and Gift of Being A Highly Sensitive Person: Clear and Strong, Not Hurt and Damaged

Have you ever heard of the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? Hm. Either way, know that although I’ve been a highly sensitive person my whole life, I had never heard this phrase until about 2 years ago. Here’s what happened.

About 2 years ago I was at a team building event, and we had one of our instructors come and talk about the highly sensitive person.

It only took about 10 minutes for me to get it. Yep. Then?

I read some of The Highly Sensitive Person book, by Elaine Aron; and took the HSP test. Yep, confirmed.

As I reflected upon the information I received at the teambuilding, and the new information from the book, so many things occured to me about my childhood, youthood, and adulthood.

I could clearly see my high sensitivity, what was then labeled as shyness or actually derogatorily called being sensitive.

I internalized my shyness and sensitivity as a problem for many, many years.

What I could have never known as a child, youth, or even as an adult previous to a couple of years ago, is that being a highly sensitive person is also a paradox, and a gift. Yep. How, you ask?

Sure. One, question first.

What do you think of when you imagine someone that is highly sensitive; or what association do you make? It’s okay. It’s not a judgement.

Did you see someone in a position of weakness, or in need of help? It’s okay if you did, today it’s normal.

What I am showing you is that in language being sensitive is associated with weakness; and, that that same language is what is used to experientially socialize children to think of high sensitivity as a weakness.

Here, let me show you.

sensitive

1: SENSORY sense 2

2a: receptive to sense impressions

b: capable of being stimulated or excited by external agents (such as light, gravity, or contact) sensitive cells

3: highly responsive or susceptible: such as

(1): easily hurt or damaged especiallyeasily hurt emotionally

(2): delicately aware of the attitudes and feelings of others

Merriam Webster

Now, though I am pleasantly surprised that the definition leads with receptivity and capability, it soon enough gets to easily hurt or damaged. Unfortunate, and just plainly not ture.

What is true is that being a person with high sensitivity, like most things in life, is a paradox. How, you ask? Right, well, let’s take a look shall we.

First, let’s explore high sensitivity. Now, know that my experience with the topic of high sensitivity is in being a person with high sensitivity. Meaning, that I’ve not read much about the topic.

Alright, ready? let’s go.

Photo by IIONA VIRGIN on Unsplash

What is High Sensitivity?

Having high senstiivty pretty much means as it sounds. That, in some aspects, people with high sensitivity are more sensitive to external and internal stimulation.

Here are a couple of examples.

People might be highly sensitive to light, sound, touch, taste, smell, and emotions, both their own, and other peoples. There are many ways these sensitivities manifest, which you can check out on the Highly Sensitive Person website.

More often than not, people that have high sensitivity do not know it. Some don’t ever end up knowing it, and some, like myself, do. Approximately 15 to 20% of the population has high sensitivity.

The issue with not knowing, is that people with high sensitivity may end up internalizing their sensitivity as a problem, which is unhealthy and can be destructive.

Many people with high sensitivity end up using unhealthy coping mechanisms, like substance abuse, to bury their sensitivity and inability to understand and cope in more healthy ways.

And, the paradox? Yep, here we go.

Photo by IIONA VIRGIN on Unsplash

High Sensitivity as A Paradox

I label high sensitivity as a paradox to push the limits of language and experience, of what is known. Important. Example? Of course.

I know several people with high sensitivity; and, all of them are clear and strong.

Yep, they are sensitive, and sensitive in different ways, yet that sensitivity makes them clearer and stronger.

A paradox.

In language, as we discussed, sensitivity is associated with a weakness, or deficit, which is simply not the case.

When people that are highly sensitive know about their sensitivity, they can learn to cope with their higher sensitivity, and, in many cases, higher emotional input and output in more healthy ways.

Further, because emotions are felt more, both internal and external, it provides the highly sensitive person with a gift.

The gift of feeling more, knowing more, and loving more.

Another gift is being able to sense where people are at emotionally. Super helpful always, and even more so in leadership roles.

It gives you the opportunity to meet people exactly where they are, free of any judgement. You understand your emotions more, and so you understand other people’s emotions more too. It works like that.

Photo by Vladyslava Andriyenko on Unsplash

Being a person with high sensitivity has been a journey from thinking for many, many years that I was broken to the realization that I am clear about my emotions and stronger for my sensitivities. Much Stronger.

If you think you might be a person living with high sensitivity, I recommend you take the sensitivity quiz on the Highly Sensitive Person website.

Regardless of whether you are a person living with high sensitivity or not, it is important to remember that our senses and emotions are part of being human. We all have them.

Yes, some people are more sensitive than others to their senses and emotions. However, we all need to take the time to understand our sensations and emotions; time to be with them, and greet them with compassion and grace.

Along the way, please also don’t forget to continue to extend yourself that same compassion and grace. You deserve it.

#emotional-intelligence, #emotions, #highlysensitivepeople, #highsensitivity, #hsp, #humandevelopment, #livingwithhighsensitivity, #psychology, #selfdevelopment, #senses, #shynessandsensitivity

A Blogger’s Diary 10/3/20: On Nature and Humanity

It’s almost the rainy season in the Pac Northwest, so getting out in the sunshine today was a must. Was gorgeous out today, as you will see in the pics below.

While I was hiking this poem occured to me. 🙂

Nature’s bounty
Human failings

Separate though
They seem

Inextricably connected
They are one

A mirror

Of both bounty
And failing

One in breath
One in mind

Two inseparable
Joined in
A hindered hearted delight

Be well this weekend.

#blogger, #bloggers-diary, #blogging, #hikingpictures, #humanity, #humanitypoem, #natureandhumanity, #naturepoem, #poem, #poems

Why Curiosity Didn’t Kill The Cat: 7 Reasons Why Remaining Curious Can Move You From a Fixed Mindset to a Growth Mindset

As I was walking back to my office this past week, and I entered into the breezeway just around the corner from my office, I looked up just as I came under the overhanging second floor. Why?

To see if the second floor was aligned with the top of the building. Wait, what? Yes, I did. Why, you ask?

Photo by Juan Encalada on Unsplash

Curiosity.

I’ve been more present to my own curiosity, and sense of wonder, this past week.

Do you remember being a child, when everything, and I mean, everything was curious to you. Yep, me too.

Though early childhood memories are often fuzzy, I can remember that feeling of inner-joy as I explored every inch of my environment. Every inch.

I think retaining that childlike wonder and active curiosity about our lives and the world is important to our own development.

Alright, well, let’s see what others think of curiosity, shall we.

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” Albert Einstein

Awaken the Greatness Within

“Life must be lived and curiosity kept alive.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Awaken the Greatness Within

“Don’t let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your curiosity. It’s your place in the world; it’s your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live.” Mae Jemison

Awaken the Greatness Within

There are so many good quotes about staying curious. Why? Well, let’s take a look at why; yet, as always, I’d like to first define curiosity. Here we go.

curiosity

noun  /ˌkjʊəriˈɒsəti/ /ˌkjʊriˈɑːsəti/(plural curiosities)Idioms

[uncountable, singular] curiosity (about something) | curiosity (to do something) a strong desire to know about something

Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries

There. When we remain curious, we are actively acknowledging there is much more in the world to know about than is known. Yes, by us, and by everyone else for that matter.

I’ve written many times about the known and unknown, and, essentially, that it is the space between the two where people choose to grow or not.

We can choose to go back towards what is comfortable, known, and remain as we are today; or, we can choose to go towards what may be uncomfortable, unknown, and grow.

Those that are naturally curious, are intrigued by the smallest things in life. Things that other people might pass right by without even noticing.

In fact, I think people that are curious have a keen awareness of themselves, which means they also have a keen awareness of the world around them.

Photo by sergio souza on Unsplash

Alright, then, here are

7 Reasons Why Remaining Curious Can Move You From a Fixed Mindset to a Growth Mindset

1. Recognition of the unknown

When we know that there is much more to learn about the world, and everyone in it, than we actually know, we are instantly curious.

Being curious is about being real with ourselves about all that we know, and all that we don’t.

Just writing that last paragraph makes me smile. Smile because I know everytime I leave my house, there is an opportunity to learn something from someone. Always curious. Fun.

2. Replacing what is known with new knowns

And, as we learn more about the world from other people, we get to replace some of our knowns with new knowns. How?

Well, humans often get stuck inside of limited thinking. Thinking that because they are an expert in a certain field, that their learning is complete. No so.

Photo by Rita Morais on Unsplash

Every topic and subject is incomplete from a perspective of all there is to learn. Really. Every topic and subject.

When you are in a conversation with someone that proposes that their perspective is the final perspective on a topic, you can smile internally knowing that is not so, and remain curious about the topic.

I guarantee you there is more to learn and to know.

3. Remaining hopeful about the future

When we are curious, we are naturally hopeful about the future. We have to be. Why? Because being curious means believing in a future where growth and new possibilities flourish.

More, it means actively creating that future every day. One idea, goal, or dream and corresponding action at a time. Beautiful.

4. Recreating ourselves each day

Curiosity, like all things, starts within. When we do our internal work, inquiring into why we think and feel the way we do, we are actively interested in recreating ourselves often. Every day, in fact. Really.

In each moment lives the possibility of something new, a new possibility for that moment, and then, yes, the corresponding context, and the greater world. It starts with us, and goes out from there.

Photo by Bhargava Marripati on Unsplash

5. Regenerating our sense of self in each moment

And, as we recreate ourselves, we also create a new sense of self. We let go of the person we were, and welcome the developmental iterations that will come as a byproduct of our own curiosity and interest in ourselves.

And, guess what?

When we treat ourselves with this kind of respect, that respect, along with the curiosity and interest, go out to others. It will infect them with a renewed sense of who they are as a human being.

Wonderful to watch and be a part of.

6. Reinventing the contexts we engage with

As we recreate ourselves each day, we also reinvent the contexts that we’re engaged with. Why?

Because, as we recreate ourselves, we are leading a transformational process that will affect everyone around us. It has to.

And, as we reinvent our contexts, we get to invite other people to participate in our curiosity. Our curiosity, yes, about ourselves, first, and then our curiosity with other people, the work they do, the possibilities we see as a product of the work we are doing in ourselves. Much fun.

7. Remembering our truth

When we remember our truth about the human being we are, and the future human being we are actively creating each day, we stay curious. Curiosity is a transformational practice.

When we remain curious, we get stuck less often. We feel more connected to ourselves and to everyone else around us.

We are, in effect, living our lives as a child would, full of wonder and hope. Knowing that dreams do come true, because we actively see them come true all the time.

When we live our truth, we see the world through a whole new lens; and, part of that lens is a lens of the curious being that we are all meant to be.

Photo by Jorge Flores on Unsplash

When we are actively curious, question all things, we are living in a growth mindset, which really just means that we are open to learning about all things from all people.

We are open, flexible, and eager to learn.

A growth mindset is about learning as much as we can, and then using that knowledge to create the life we want to live. Each and every day.

Curiously pondering everything around us, wondering, dreaming, and then taking all that we learn and applying it to our lives.

Stay curious and apply all that you learn well.

#curiosity, #curiosityandgrwoth, #curious, #developingagrowthmindset, #fixedmindset, #growthanddevelopment, #growthmindset, #humandevelopment, #mindfulness, #selfdevelopment, #selfimprovement

A Quick Insight About Curiosity

Photo by Tong Nguyen van on Unsplash

This week I wrote the post, 3 Reasons Why Writers Should Know About the Distinction Between Theory and Practice, which was fun.

The post got me thinking more about curiosity, and how important being actively curious is to life in general, and then even more so, some would say, to innovation and leadership.

You may be asking, how did you get there from the post about writing and the distinction between theory and practice? Good question.

Because when you are actively curious, you are always looking. Looking for things to wonder about, to ask questions about, to, really, know more about.

Right now, I am working on a new post about curiosity, which starts with something like,

do you remember being a child and looking around and seeing everything, really, everything, in your context as a wonder?

Children have that sense of wonder about the world. Why? Well, in part, because they’ve not been socialized into thinking and/or acting in a particular way.

At that stage of development, everything is possible. All of it. And, you know what? It’s possible to live that way as an adult, every day. Really, it is. How do you ask? Well, we will discuss that more in the forthcoming post.

For now, I’d like to send you a few quotes about curiosity, as we head into this lovely weekend.

Photo by Josh Gordon on Unsplash

Here we go.

“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” Dorothy Parker

Wise Old Sayings

“Be less curious about people and more curious about ideas.” Marie Curie

Wise Old Sayings

“Curiosity about life in all of its aspects, I think, is still the secret of great creative people.” Leo Burnett

Wise Old Sayings

“I have no particular talent. I am merely inquisitive.” Albert Einstein

I’ve written before and said many times that it is in the spaces where vulnerability occurs that innovation will also occur. Well, when we are vulnerable, we are also naturally curious. I think we can safely say that

vulnerability + curiosity = innovation

That’s fun.

As you walk through your weekend, take a look around, wonder about the things you see, ask questions you normally wouldn’t, and see what you end up knowing more about.

Be well. Be vulnerable. Be curious.

#curiosity, #curiosityandhumandevelopment, #curiosityandinnovation, #curiosityandleadership, #curiosityandselfdevelopment, #curiosityandvulnerability, #curiosityandwonder, #curiosityinsight, #curiosityquotes, #curious