Poetry and Prose by #1 Amazon Bestselling Author of Nature Speaks of Love and Sorrow, Co-Author of #1 Amazon Bestseller, Wounds I Healed: The Poetry of Strong Women, and Jan/Feb 2022 Spillwords Press Author of the Month
It was great to put a period on the lengthy second installment of the Leadership Series. In installment 3, we will look at creating and developing teams. Will be fun.
Alright, and next week?
Well, I already have another Haiku scheduled, as well as a Tanka poem. I also have an article on intention and the last installment in My One Thing: Creating Alignment in Our Lives.
I also have some new ideas, which I’ll get to writing about in the next month or two. Here are a few of those ideas.
The Leadership Series Part 3
A new series on leadership, called Leading from Within
An article on the law of attraction
And, of course, I’ll have new entries in both the developmental moments and reflection series in the next few weeks.
Alright, how about birthdays.
Birthdays
Well, my oldest son turned 21 this week, and my youngest will turn 17 in May. Phew. It is hard to believe, and then not, that these boys are so grown.
I am so impressed with who they are becoming as young men, and am so proud of them both. A lucky father, am I.
Alright, Justin’s birthday was this past week, so he was over Saturday night, and I made a spinach salad with baked tofu (breaded with panko and slightly fried), and brown sugar butternut squash bread.
Both were super tasty, though I will write that the bread was a little sweet for my tastes. Here is the recipe for the bread, and a couple of pics.
Corvallis, Oregon 2021
Fun!
Overwhelm
As I already mentioned, last week we had our busiest week of registration since the pandemic started. Of course, this also means that the team was super busy, and, each of them, at different times and at different levels, experienced overwhelm. Yes, me included.
On Wednesday it occurred to me, though not for the first time, that we are all inundated with stimulation, and it occurs differently inside of the pandemic. Meaning, many of us are on technology more than ever before; and it is needed and necessary to move our work forward.
However, being aware of creating quiet space is also needed and necessary. I think it is needed more now than ever before, and necessary to keep us centered and in balance.
Thus, I sent the team the following message on Wednesday. Subject line: Please read today: Taking the time needed.
Hi all, Phew, what a busy week! I am so impressed by each of you, by the work and possibilities we continue to create for our community. A record number of registrations continue to come in! And, just as our record number of registrations is a beautiful thing to see and be a part of, we have all felt, in some way this week, overwhelmed by the work we are engaged in. I’ve said what I am about to write, in just about every meeting this week. We all need to create time to put the work down, and just be. Be outside in the sun, if it is sunny as it is today, be in a quiet space in our homes, be, well, wherever you can create time for yourself that is away from technology and stimulation. I am asking each of you to continue to create this time for yourselves when needed. You will see on my calendar today at 1 pm, a walk scheduled. I will be away from my computer and phone for 45 minutes. Please do the same when you can. It can be 10 minutes, 20, or longer, just take that time, and be. Great work this week, team!!!!! Jeff
CORVALLIS, OREGON, 2021
Now, I’ve written before about being overstimulated, and being overwhelmed is similar, and, in fact, can function the same way.
We all need time away from everything and everyone.
As you move throughout your week, I invite you to create this time for yourself. Create time for yourself, to be with yourself. Just for you.
And, take that time to breathe, witness all that surrounds you and is within you, and just be.
When’s the last time you had a difficult conversation? If you are in a relationship with, well, anyone, it is likely you’ve had a difficult conversation recently. They are a part of being in a relationship with someone. Yes, difficult conversations are needed and necessary in the workplace, and they are also needed and necessary in our private lives.
It is through the most difficult conversations where growth for the people inside of the conversation becomes possible. When we avoid these conversations, nothing really happens. Actually, if anything, when we avoid difficult conversations, the relationships we have are built upon a shifting foundation.
Meaning, unstable, and unreliable. Why?
Because, we’re not being true to how we think and feel when we avoid things that are difficult; and, difficult conversations are not removed from this truth.
Many people struggle with having these conversations, just as I once did. Truth. And, yes, they are hard. I’ve had many in the past three years, and, yet, there is also something beautiful in the experience of being in that difficulty with another human being, and creating a way forward.
Alright, let’s first consider two concepts, which occur prior to the difficult conversation, and then a very simple, pun intended, as you will soon see, strategy, you can employ inside of a difficult conversation. Ready? Good. Here we go.
Even in the language, I’ve used thus far to describe a difficult conversation can appear binary. Meaning, either the conversation is in one way difficult, or the opposite, not difficult.
It is important to understand that difficult conversations, like all things in life, live along a continuum. This means that there are many types of difficult conversations, from, let’s say, conversations that are easier, yet still sensitive, to conversations, which are much more difficult.
We can think about them living along a straight line that continues forever, with sensitivity on the far left, and, in a workplace example, a corrective action conversation on the far right. In between?
Many types of conversations. Yet, regardless of the type of difficult conversation, there are several steps we can take to make sure we are ready. The first? Making sure you are clear and that what you understand about the context you are witnessing with the person you need to have a difficult conversation with is true.
What do I mean by clear and true? Let’s take a look.
Clear – that you’ve done the pre-work necessary to understand the context you are witnessing, and that indeed a difficult conversation needs to take place. Again a working example may suffice. Maybe someone on your team is having difficulties at home, or with another coworker, and does not yet have the tools needed to know how to talk about the issue. However, if the employee does not talk with someone about the issue, their work will suffer. In this instance, I would classify this difficult conversation as a sensitive conversation, somewhere toward the left of the continuum. However, it also depends on how long the team has been together, and how long you’ve worked with the employee. If the team is new, and or the employee is new, the conversation will be more difficult. Either way, knowing that the conversation needs to take place and that you are clear on the reasoning is key.
True – true meaning that we’ve taken time to watch the behavior, and reflected upon it. It is super important to avoid emotional reactions to situations as they arise. Taking time to witness behavior gives us a more three-dimensional view. Yes, there are times when we will need to have a difficult conversation at the moment. It happens. However, when we practice applying the clear and true principle, it helps us with planned and unplanned difficult conversations. Both.
Once you are clear and know that what you are seeing is true, you can deploy a very simple strategy to conduct a difficult conversation.
And, yes, I chose this acronym intentionally, as some people find themselves attracted to language. Meaning, they like to use a lot of language when in conversation with someone.
However, using more language than is necessary and needed in a difficult conversation will only make the conversation more difficult and less clear. It is very important to keep things simple.
Strategy – having a strategy for how you are going to have the conversation is important. Here are some questions to ask yourself prior to the conversation.
What are you going to say?
How are you going to say it?
Where will the conversation take place?
What is your goal for the conversation?
What questions might the employee ask, and what are your answers?
How long will the conversation last?
Intentional – you want to, at all costs, make sure this conversation is created intentionally, once you know your strategy. Again, sometimes these conversations happen at the moment, however, I’ve found that most often, you can take the time needed to watch, learn, strategize, and then create the conversational context. And that is doing things intentionally.
Meaningful – the conversation needs to be meaningful. When you create the goal of the meeting, also create the takeaway for the employee. For instance, how is this conversation going to create the possibility of a developmental step forward for the employee? It is important that the conversation includes this developmental step. It is up to the employee to take a hold of that developmental opportunity and do something with it. Just as it is your job as the leader to create the developmental possibility in the first place.
Planned – we’ve covered having a plan for the most part. Here I will simply add that taking the time needed to create your strategy and plan accordingly is important. For instance, making sure to clear your calendar leading up to and after the conversation, so you have time to do the necessary pre-work and decompress after. Difficult conversations are called such because they are difficult for everyone, the leader included.
Learning – once you’ve created the possibility of a developmental step forward for the employee, it’s time to make sure the theoretical development is pulled into practice or reality. It is your job as the leader to ensure this possibility also exists. Now, the developmental work is for the employees to do, however, you can assist them by implementing a timeline and due dates, and a follow up 1W1 to ensure you are supporting them in their development.
Experience – it’s also the leader’s job to ensure that the conversational context is an experience that is safe, and includes both empathy and compassion. Meaning, that everyone is in a different developmental stage as a human being; and people, all people, need safe spaces where they can learn new strategies they can employ in their life to move them forward as human beings. For this to occur, the context needs to be safe, and include both empathy and compassion. Empathizing with someone, simply means understanding where they are free of judgment, and compassion? Means remembering you, as the leader, are a human being just like they are, and have had very similar situations arise in your life.
Wow. That was fun.
Alright, there are several strategies you can employ prior to, during, and after a difficult conversation.
Remember, these conversations are needed and necessary. Really and truly. When we take the time necessary to create safe contexts where difficult conversations can occur, we are paying forward a part of ourselves, and helping someone else move forward in their life. And guess what?
When you create these contexts, you also learn more about who you are as a human being. Always. In every difficult conversation, I’ve ever had, I have always learned more about myself and my own development.
And that, my friend, is movement, and it is beautiful.
It’s what happens when cool insights occur. Let’s reset shall we? Real quick. Here we go.
In the first installment of part 2 of the leadership series, we discussed thinking and feeling, and why understanding how we think and feel matters to our development as a leader.
And, then in the second installment of part 2 of the leadership series, we discussed speaking and acting, and why understanding how we speak and act is also important to our development as a leader.
In this, yes, promise, the final installment of part 2?
We will discuss hearing and seeing. How we hear, and how we see, are just as important as how we think, feel, speak, and act. And, that was the insight I had a couple of weeks ago. So, let’s go.
As we develop ourselves as a leader, we hear more things. Things we would not have heard before. Subtleties in someone’s voice for example, the tone and affect, their word choices, how they use them, and the words they didn’t choose to use.
Factually, we all have different vocabularies. Meaning, no two people know all of the exact same words, or how to use them, or use them in the same way. However, listening for how people use their language is important. How people use language, will provide you more information about that person.
What are some strategies you can employ to hear, or listen more intently and retain that information? Sure. Here are a couple.
Be present – one of the most important tools a leader, nay, any human being, can develop is learning how to be present. Being present means that all of your attention is on whatever context you find yourself in. For instance, you are not multitasking, or thinking about other things that need your attention. Being present is a gift to ourselves first, and then to everyone we know. In the article, What Does Being Present Really Mean, and Why Does it Matter?, I write about some of the strategies I use to ensure I stay present.
Listen – active listening is a learned skill. Meaning, it takes practice, just like all things. When we are actively listening we are present, and are engaged with the information the person is sharing. Of course, this means we are not planning a response in advance. We are rather, just being with that person and what they are sharing, providing them meaningful feedback and questions so we can learn all they have to share with us.
Take notes – I always take notes when I am in a meeting, or have someone that does. I only take down those things I need to remember. It is important to not get lost in note taking, which can happen. You need to capture important aspects of the conversation, dates or definitions maybe, or, maybe a question arises, which is usually the case with me, and it’s not an appropriate time to ask it. You can write it down real quick, and then ask the question at the appropriate time.
There we go. There are many other strategies you can employ to ensure you are hearing as much as possible. Yet these three I use daily, all day in fact, and they work well.
What can I write about sight? Well, that as we develop as leaders, nay, as human beings, we develop more sight. Just like we feel, think, speak, act, and hear, we see more, see differently. It is a wonder, really.
Because I am a hyper-visual learner, I see a lot more, and then? Well, I always document it somehow, and then sometimes what I see is used, and sometimes it’s not. It matters less that what you are seeing is utilized, than it is that the possibility is created to utilize this new information in meaningful ways.
Here are some strategies I use to capture what I see.
Whiteboards – as I’ve written about before, whiteboards are a highly effective tool, especially for visual learners. I have three whiteboards at home, and many at work, including two white board walls in my office. Here is my simple whiteboard process.
Write out, sometimes it is linear, sometimes nonlinear, that which I’ve seen recently. Whatever insight that might be.
Let it sit for a day or two and reflect upon it. Sometimes I will add to the insight, sometimes not.
Take a picture of the whiteboard for later use.
If the insight is usable, put it into action in my life.
Journaling – a very effective strategy for capturing new ideas. Developing a pattern for your journaling is super helpful. I usually journal at the end of the day. Some people, however, like to do so in the morning. Timing matters less, than creating the time to journal when you can.
Post-its – as crazy as it may seem, post-its work very well when you are busy. I use them all the time, and then transfer them into my other organizational tools.
Graphics software – I’ve also been recently using venngage to take the new insight’s I’ve had, and transfer them into a cool visual for myself and the team. Super useful.
Alright, there are a few strategies I use to capture all that I see. And, I do capture just about all of it. There are times when an insight I’ve seen slips through my fingers, yet, when that occurs, I know that if it was needed, it will come back.
Closing Part 2
In closing part 2 of the leadership series, I would like to leave you with the consideration that both leadership psychology and sociology, as we’ve discussed them here, are both needed as we develop ourselves as leaders.
Understanding how we feel, think, speak, act, hear, and see, starts with us. Being more self-aware of who we are as, yes, a leader, and more importantly, as a human being.
The more we understand ourselves, the more we understand the people around us, both at work and at home.
And, when we are intune with ourselves and the people around us, we can create the possibility of more movement for ourselves, yes, and our teams and families. And, then? Well, with movement, comes traction.
When we get to traction with ourselves, and our teams and families, we get back so much more. It is quite amazing actually to reflect upon all that I get back. Absolutely amazing and quite beautiful.
Remember, it all starts with us. All that we think, feel, speak, act, hear, and see.
Develop. Inspire. Transform. 