3 Paradoxes of Leadership All Leaders Should Know

A Journey From the Unknown to the Known

Photo by Lucas Ludwig on Unsplash

I often write about paradoxes, well, because life is full of them. Really. And, as we recognize a paradox, we are poised to reconcile what is seemingly unknown into something that is known. Yep.

And, how does that aid leaders? Well, first, I consider leadership something that lives inside of everyone. Yep.

Leadership is something we can all do; and, in fact, leadership is something that most of us already do. Really. In some way in our life, we lead. Even if the leading you do is just for you; you are still leading.

And, we also know that in leadership the self is where it all starts. Yep. Also tue. Leadership goes out from you to everyone and everything else. It’s just how it works.

Leaders also need to know that most things are unknown, and that we know far less than is knowable. Important.

Therefore, inside of a paradox, there is an opportunity to turn something unknown into known, which is helpful for yourself, yep, and for everyone you are leading.

Now, before we go further, let’s define leadership, so we are all on the same page. Okay? Good. Here we go.

leadership

Pronunciation /ˈlēdərˌSHip/ /ˈlidərˌʃɪp/ 

NOUN

The action of leading a group of people or an organization.

The state or position of being a leader.

Lexico

Right. Pretty ambiguous. Hm.

Let’s try lead instead. Here we go.

lead

Pronunciation /lēd/ /lid/ 

TRANSITIVE VERB led

[WITH OBJECT]

Cause (a person or animal) to go with one by holding them by the hand, a halter, a rope, etc. while moving forward.

Show (someone or something) the way to a destination by going in front of or beside them.

Lexico

Ah, much better. Here is what we have so far. A leader is someone that goes with someone, or shows someone something by going in front of or beside them. Very good.

Alright, so what are these three paradoxes? Right. Let’s get right into our discussion, shall we? Good. Here we go.

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1. The Real and The Ideal

As a leader it is important to know the current reality. Meaning to know your strengths and weaknesses, and that of the teams. Super important. Yet, that’s not all. Nope.

You must also communicate that reality, and do so often. One of the most important functions in leadership is setting the pace and the reality. A reality that will include both strengths and weaknesses. It has to.

We all have areas to develop, as do teams, and when we own them, guess what?

We have now created a context that welcomes development, one that is open and growth-oriented. Fun.

Now, once you know and have communicated the current reality, it is time to begin to balance the real (current state or reality) with the ideal (future state or reality). Very important.

And, how this is done is predicated on knowing that everything we do today informs tomorrow, and that tomorrow is simply a mirror of today. Yep. Say more? Of course. Here we go.

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2. Today and Tomorrow

Alright, so when we cast a vision for our life or our team, we are setting down in language that which we want to accomplish in a certain amount of time. Might be a week, a month, a year, or several years. Depends.

What matters is that we tie that vision, those specific goals, to objectives and priorities that we can set our sights on and work towards each day. Yep.

When we connect our daily actions to our long-term goals, we are actively creating tomorrow today. Wait, what? Yes. It’s true.

When we take actions today that are connected to goals we have in the future, we are creating our future from this very moment. Therefore, when we take action today, tomorrow ends up being a mirror of today. Meaning?

We are actively actualizing tomorrow’s goals today. One action at a time. Fun. And, truth.

The concept of creating your future from today is a very powerful concept for leaders, teams, and, well, everyone. And, what happens when we create a context full of this type of possibility?

Well, we lead, yes, and so do those around us. It works that way.

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3. Lead and Follow

Right, so leadership as we’ve defined it has to do with going out in front, paving the way, if you will, with a vision that ties back to objectives and priorities that you, and your team, if you have one, work on each day. Yep.

And, when you are out in front like that, sometimes, you will have to pull back a bit, as the team moves closer to you. Yep. Or, if they are moving quickly, you may have to go out in front even further. Depends. And, guess what?

Sometimes, your team will move right on past you. Yep. Can and does happen. It is a beautiful thing to see really. And, when that happens?

No problem here, you, like they would, catch back up. Simple. The point?

That leadership is a complex, and yet very simple, set of relationships you have. First with yourself. Always with yourself first. And, then with everyone else around you.

Relationships are leadership. And, leadership is about having high-quality relationships. Yep. Bottom line? Sure.

Leaders lead and follow, both. They are, in fact, one and the same. Not separate at all. One.

Alright, so there are three leadership paradoxes that, when we have an awareness of how they function, create a context where we are connecting the unknown of tomorrow, or 5 years from now, to today. Meaning?

That we are creating the known from the unknown. In this very moment, in fact. And, well, that’s fun, and powerful.

#creatingthefuture, #fromtheunknowntothenkown, #humandevelopment, #leadandfollow, #leadership, #leadershipdevelopment, #leadershipmindset, #leadershipparadox, #therealandtheideal, #todayandtomorrow

A Poem at The Precipice

Photo by Katie Drazdauskaite on Unsplash

We stand before it,
Vastness unbound
In a realm where we
Sometimes
Feel bound to the ground

Darkness, looking out
Over the edge,
As the rubble underneath foot
Meets earth, and we realize
There is no dearth

We fledge
And make a pledge
As we move closer to the ledge
Heart beating faster,
As we face
What some may see as disaster

Yet, we know
It is in each step
Taken
Where we move closer
To that
Which is faster,

A quickening

For it is at that ledge
Of the unknown
Where the beauty of life
Is foretold

Faith and trust
In a process far
Larger
Than is known

#life, #poem, #poems, #precipice, #unkownandknown, #writing

A Poem of Peace

Photo by Christopher Sardegna on Unsplash

Twas childhood days,
Once betrayed, and
As a part of our current dismay
Of times gone by

As we try to recreate, a time
And place of forgotten space, and
Distant landscape

A notion of a potion,
We’ve pulled forward
In an effort to alleviate our emotion
Of a common commotion

Of a mind restless and eager
To anticipate a thread, of the
Bed we’ve made bare
Though we do not dare

To tread alone into the emptiness
And stare
Out at the majesty which is there

We need not compare this day

With times gone by,
Instead
Practice the release
Of the surcease, during
This winters masterpiece
Of a life once known to be at peace

For peace is always there,
A comfort for your care, so, please
Always remember you
Are a child of the Lord’s Prayer
.

#life, #live, #peace, #poem, #poems, #writing

Why It’s Important to Understand Your Own Sensitivity As A Gift

A Spectrum of Sensitivities

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In the post, The Paradox and Gift of Being A Highly Sensitive Person: Clear and Strong, Not Hurt and Damaged, we unpacked and discussed sensitivity in terms of being a highly sensitive person.

For me, it then follows to ask the question, is high sensitivity binary, as in you have it or you don’t? Or, rather, is high sensitivity a spectrum of experiences? Hm. Good questions. Let’s take a look, shall we?

Alright, so let’s first define binary and spectrum. Ready? Good. Here we go.

binary

noun /ˈbaɪnəri/ /ˈbaɪnəri/,  /ˈbaɪneri/ (computing, mathematics)

a system of numbers that uses only 0 and 1

Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries

Well, that’s fun. Now, for the purpose of this conversation, think about being highly sensitive as a 1 and not being highly sensitive as a 0. Make sense? Okay, good. Now spectrum.

spectrum

noun  /ˈspektrəm/ /ˈspektrəm/(plural spectra  /ˈspektrə/  /ˈspektrə/)

[usually singular] a complete or wide range of related qualities, ideas, etc.

Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries

There we go. Again, for the purpose of this conversation, you can think about a complete or wide range of related sensitivities, as a spectrum of sensitivity. Make sense? Good.

Now, why is this important? Good question.

Photo by Laura Ockel on Unsplash

Sensitivity as a Spectrum

Because if we think about sensitivity as binary, we limit the experience of being a sensitive human being; and, we also limit our own experience of what it means to be sensitive.

As we discussed in the previous post on sensitivity, being sensitive is not a problem or an issue, it is, rather a gift. And, being able to own that gift, and really internalize it as such is an important and empowering experience.

Really, important.

And, at the same time, it is equally important for everyone to have access to the possibility that they are also sensitive. Why?

Because understanding our sensitivities, whatever they might be, is such an important aspect of being a human being. Truly, truly, this is so.

People that are highly sensitive often turn to substance abuse and other forms of self-abuse in order to dull their sensitivity. And? It is extremely damaging.

Yes, of course, for the person with sensitivity, and also, for those around them. Both. Yet, it need not be that way. Truly.

Photo by Ilkka Kärkkäinen on Unsplash

Are You a Highly Sensitive Person?

Here are a couple of questions you can ask yourself to see if you too might be a highly sensitive person. Ready? Good. Here we go.

  1. Are you sensitive to light?
  2. How about being sensitive to cold or heat?
  3. Maybe you are sensitive to noise?
  4. Are you easily overwhelmed?
  5. Do you feel your own emotions more?
  6. How about feeling other people’s emotions more?

Now, you can use these questions, if you choose, to start an investigation into your own sensitivity. Yep. Oh, me?

Yes, to every question listed above, and more. I typically score between 17 and 19 on the highly sensitive person questionnaire, which I recommend everyone take. Everyone. Seriously. Why?

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Sensitivity As a Gift

Because finding out that I was a highly sensitive person was pivotal in my life. A gift, as was previously stated.

Therefore, I want to make sure everyone has the opportunity to explore their sensitivity, free from bias and judgment. Yep, that’s about it.

Further, I believe that everyone is highly sensitive in some way. Really. I do.

Remember, sensitivity is a spectrum, not binary. Meaning, that it is quite possible that everyone in some way is highly sensitive to something. Yep. Possible. And?

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Removing the Stigma of Being Sensitive

Well, removing stigma about sensitivity, especially in the United States, is super important. Especially for young boys. Really.

Young boys are often raised to dissociate themselves from their sensitivity, yet, that is so very unhealthy. It is unhealthy for them as a developing child and youth, and is also unhealthy, as we’ve discussed, for them later in life.

What is healthy?

Proper education about sensitivity. For instance, positive reinforcement and education about what sensitivity means; and, knowledge about how to cope with emotions. All. Important.

Bottom line? Sure. Here we go.

We all have sensitivities. We have to. Why? Because we are all human, and all humans have senses. And, these senses are, at times, maybe all the time, sensitive. And?

That is perfectly okay. More, as we’ve discussed, it is a gift.

Embracing our sensitivity creates more possibility. More possibilities about ourselves and our lives, and more possibilities for those around us.

When we model acceptance of our sensitivity, we remove the stigma about sensitivity and create spaces that are more inclusive and loving.

And, I for one, think that acceptance, inclusivity, and love are needed in this world. Nay, they are very much needed in this world. Today, yep, and, well, tomorrow too. And, for all time.

#acceptance, #emotionalintelligence, #empowermentandsensitivity, #healthysensitivity, #highlysensitivepeople, #hsp, #humandevelopment, #leadership, #love, #selfimprovement, #sensitivityasagift, #spectrumofsensitivities

A Perspective Poem

Photo by Nadine Shaabana on Unsplash

Time flies away
That which we try to see by day
Never stopping in times array
Of a distant, yet close ballet

Of moving parts and pieces
A dance, seemingly unordered
And static that ceases

A play in motion, which
Can cause quite the commotion
Of mind, until we find
That peace of Mind, which
Comes with devotion, and

Faith in that which is unseen
And seen, beauty
Is in the eye of the beholder, of

A knowing that shoulders

A fire that burns and smolders
Like a love that is bolder, and
Just as it soon as it seems colder
An awareness dawns, bright

With a voluminous light, which
Negates the night, and
Warms us within our heart’s delight

Be well, everyone.

#life, #poem, #poems, #writing

A Blogger’s Diary 11/1/20: On the Paradox of Poetry, Writing, and Life

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Well, we are two days away from the election, COVID-19 cases are up in Oregon, we are continuing to deliver classes and training remotely, and I’ve been writing more poetry lately. Hm. Interesting.

Right, so here’s what I was up to this week, in the event you missed it.

There we go. See. More poetry.

Photo by Trust “Tru” Katsande on Unsplash

Poetry

It is interesting to consider. I do like writing poetry, and am having a lot of fun doing so. Funnily enough, as I’ve written before, I haven’t read much poetry, though when I find poetry I like, I go back to it again and again.

And, I’ve been reading a lot more poetry lately from the blogs of some of the most outstanding poets and writers. Lovely.

I also love the challenge of writing poetry. It is an interesting paradox. In some ways it is easier than the other topics I choose to write about, and yet, in many ways much more difficult. Hm.

I enjoy sitting with a peice, pondering it, reflecting upon it, until the right words show up. Fun. I also like being out on a walk or hike, and find that inspiration stirring me to stop on the path, and make notes in my phone.

That is exactly how the road poem showed up today.

Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

Writing

I have some ideas for next week, yet, if you read my last installment, A Blogger’s Diary 10/24/20: On Writing, Reading, and 200+ Followers, you will note that my writing plan changed as this week progressed.

Is it like that for you? It is often that way for me.

Anyway, at this time, I have planned another installment on sensitivity, a piece on sociology, and, hm, ah yes, a post on wonder. That’s what I have for now anyway. The poetry, you ask? Good question.

You know that works a little differently than the other things I choose to write about. Well, sort of.

With poetry, I usually see something that inspires me, and then from that derive a concept and then write. So, in a way the process is similar to my other writing, and yet feels a little different.

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

Life

Lastly, I wanted to acknowledge just how hard this year has been for everyone. Really. It has been.

Yet, I also want to acknowledge the resiliency of the human spirit. Very resilient. Much more resilient than people imagine. And, it is beautiful to be a part of and to witness.

I have found and read so many inspirational stories this year. Please know that you are all inspirational to me. All of you.

Though life has been extraordinarily hard this year, and, well, looks like it will continue to be, at least from a pandemic perspective, for some time; know that you are bringing people hope and joy each and every day by writing as you do. Just as you are and as you do. Wonderful.

I’ve laughed and teared more at my computer screen these past few months than at any other time in my life. And, I’m not young. Ha!

Right. Well, it is about time to wrap up this installment. Yet, before I do, let me leave you with two quotes I adore from two very inspirational people. Here you go.

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”
― Helen Keller

Driven

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou

Driven

Lovely.

Have a wonderful week everyone.

#poetry, #blogger, #bloggersdiary, #blogging, #covid-19, #diary, #elections, #helenkeller, #life, #quotes, #resilience, #writing

A Poem of The Road

Corvallis, 2020

The Road
A path laid bare
For all who dare, to
Travel it without great fanfare

Bumpy it will be, and
Forks you will see
Left or right decisions are alright,
Yet choices never ware

For it is within our hearts compare
Where you must dare, to
Find yourself in times of despair, and
Tranquility both, in belief are fair

And, thus do complete our affair
Of a minute and distant, yet
Relevant pair, seemingly
Two, yet unknown and known as one

Left or right, choose one, and
Have faith that all will be just right
For it isn’t in the choice that knows
It’s in the poise that shows

Of the strength you have inside

A knowing that knows, of
The home that shows
That left or right, path
Smooth or stoned, will prove
To be your purposed road and abode

#poem, #poemandwriting, #poems, #purpose, #writing

A Poem of Life

Photo by Kouji Tsuru on Unsplash

Doors open wide,
And yet I hide to abide
With the realization that
You and me are like a tree

Strong and beautiful with
Roots that go deep underground
In search of nutrients to flourish
The soul of abundance and well nourish

For we are meant to accent, and
Grow strong through all the seasons
In search of a reason

Stretching far and wide
With limbs that reach for the sky
Leaves grown a multitude of colors
With shapes all full of wonder, and

Amazement, as we move toward
That light so flourishing and bright
With all of our hearts delight

Let us then portend this night
As we move our limbs across the sky
And shake our leaves off one at a time

To live another day, and
Nourish that which nourished us first
Some call her Mother Earth, or
Our home and abode of birth

And call this place a sanctuary
For all that’s bright and light
Within a space you call your life

#alifepoem, #apoemoflife, #poem, #poems, #writing, #writinglife

The Social Construction Series Part 7: The Social Construction of Difference

Questioning The Concepts We Hold And The Habits We Have As An Act Of Social Resistance

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Have you ever thought about the word difference? And, maybe also considered, how that one word connotes a ton of power through the use of language? Hm.

Alright, well, whether you’ve ever considered that question or not, we are going to consider it, together, here. Ready? Good, let’s go.

Let’s define, as we always do, our key term. Here we go.

difference

noun /ˈdɪfrəns/ /ˈdɪfrəns/

[countable, uncountable] the way in which two people or things are not like each other; the way in which somebody/something has changed

Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries

Now, let’s reset quickly a social construction, shall we? Here we go.

social construct

noun /ˌsəʊʃl ˈkɒnstrʌkt/

A concept or perception of something based on the collective views developed and maintained within a society or social group; a social phenomenon or convention originating within and cultivated by society or a particular social group, as opposed to existing inherently or naturally.

Lexico

Here’s what we’ve got thus far.

Difference, then, is a concept or perception based on the collective views of a society or social group, which does not exist naturally.

Right, so difference does not occur naturally. However, the word difference is used constantly. Really. Think about how often you say that word. Now, think about how often you hear that word utilized. Often, I’m sure.

Yet, according to social constructionism difference is all created in language. All of it. Meaning that difference is only as real as long as we continue to create it as real. Think about that for a minute.

Difference is only as real as long as we continue to create it as real.

Phew, that’s pretty powerful. Why? Well, before we get to that question, there are two new aspects to social constructionism to introduce here. Ready? Good. Here we go.

The first? Yep.

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Habitualization

Habitualization describes how “any action that is repeated frequently becomes cast into a pattern, which can then be … performed again in the future in the same manner and with the same economical effort” (Berger and Luckmann 1966). Not only do we construct our own society but we also accept it as it is because others have created it before us. Society is, in fact, “habit.”

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And?

Institutionalization

For example, your school exists as a school and not just as a building because you and others agree that it is a school. If your school is older than you are, it was created by the agreement of others before you. In a sense, it exists by consensus, both prior and current. This is an example of the process of institutionalization, the act of implanting a convention or norm into society. Bear in mind that the institution, while socially constructed, is still quite real.

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Now, why are habitualization and institutionalization important to the discussion of difference? Good question.

Because, essentially, society is in a pattern of continuously creating difference, which has thus become institutionalized and generally accepted as fact.

Even though difference is not a naturally occurring phenomenon or fact. Difference is still real in accord with the consequences that stem from such socially constructed differences.

Yep, that last part, that these social constructions are real in their consequences is another sociological theory. Here you go.

Thomas Theorem

Another way of looking at this concept is through W.I. Thomas’s notable Thomas theorem which states, “If [people] define situations as real, they are real in their consequences” (Thomas and Thomas 1928). That is, people’s behavior can be determined by their subjective construction of reality rather than by objective reality. For example, a teenager who is repeatedly given a label—overachiever, player, bum—might live up to the term even though it initially wasn’t a part of [their] character.

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Photo by Helena Hertz on Unsplash

Now, what happens when you take a concept such as difference, defined as separate and not the same, and you habitulize and institutionalize that concept? You get the Thomas Theorem. Meaning?

That now you have a socially constructed concept, difference, and have created a reality that continuously creates difference each and every day. Yep. And, who does this you ask?

Well, everyone does. Remember, based on the definition, a social construct is a concept that is agreed upon in a society.

There is, of course, a spectrum here. Meaning, that some people are aware of how difference operates, and some are not. The former people may have noble intentions, and might not.

And, the latter, well, they are in habitualization without awareness. And, that happens too. It’s not a judgment, or justification, it just occurs that way.

And, what does this mean to individuals? Right, another good question. Here we go.

Self-fulfilling Prophecy

Like Berger and Luckmann in their description of habitualization, Thomas states that our moral codes and social norms are created by “successive definitions of the situation.” This concept is defined by sociologist Robert K. Merton as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Merton explains that with a self-fulfilling prophecy, even a false idea can become true if it is acted upon. 

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Now you have a society that has habituzlied and institutionalized difference, and when people internalize that social construct as truth, which is common, they act on that difference. Why?

Because that is what they are told, and that is what they are shown.

Right. That is just so. However, before our short analysis is complete, we must introduce one more important concept. Here we go.

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Power

(noun) The ability of an individual, group, or institution to influence or exercise control over other people and achieve their goals despite possible opposition or resistance.

Sociology Dictionary

There we go. And, let’s have one more important quote here to assist in our discussion.

“Most (and probably all) societies exist with systems of social division and social stratification, through which entire categories of people are elevated above others, providing one segment of the population with a disproportionate amount of money, power and prestige” (Macionis and Plummer 2012:232).

Sociology Dictionary

Right. Why is power important? Yep. Here we go.

Because difference is not wielded within a vacuum. Nope. Difference is wielded though very distinct power structures, which continue to perpetuate that difference. Important.

Yet, what is really different? Not much in fact. Facts? Sure.

People are more similar to each other than they are different. Biologically, we are more homogenous than we are heterogeneous. That is the bottom line. Biologically we are very much alike. Almost identical, in fact.

What does this mean?

That all of the difference we ascribe to individuals and groups of people are created in language and acted out through socialization, creating habits that are continuously repeated, which are then institutionalized as factual, and affected to and by each and every one of us on some level.

Phew, that was a lot. Hm. Right, so where do we go from here?

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Awareness and Resistance

Yep, awareness and resistance. And? Well, awareness is first.

When we are aware of how these concepts function in language and are codified in social structures, we can choose to let them go and create a new way of thinking and acting. Truth. And?

It all starts with us disrupting our patterns and habits. Really. All of them. Questioning why we do the things we do, and then looking internally to find out if those habits or patterns make sense any more.

If they do? Okay, keep doing them. If they don’t? Let them go and create something new.

Every time we create a new pattern or habit, we are actively releasing the continuation of what was, or the status quo, and that? Well, that is an act of resistance. Social resistance, if you will. And?

Well, often people mistakenly believe that the only social resistance that leads to social change must happen on a grand scale right away. There was a time I thought this way. Really. And?

It’s just not so. Social change more often happens within small actions that lead to larger actions that then lead to large-scale social change.

Just take a look around the United States right now, and you will see a legacy of active social resistance in the streets right now. Yep.

And, that started with various individuals actively disrupting and then releasing an old pattern or habit, and creating a new one. Just like that. Beautiful to see, and even more beautiful to be a part of.

Now, I have more to say, however, this is a series, therefore we will get to continue our discussion of social constructionism in the near future. Until then?

Question

Question the concepts you hold and the habits you have and see if they still work for you. And, if not, release them, and create something new. That’s pretty much it, and that is powerful. You are powerful.

#awarenessandresistance, #concepts, #habits, #habitualization, #institutionalization, #power, #self-fulfillingprophecy, #socialconstruct, #socialconstruction, #socialconstructionism, #socialjustice, #sociallyconstructeddifference, #socialresistance, #takingaction, #thomastheorum

A Mirror Poem

Photo by kazuend on Unsplash

Eyes closed, heartbeats
Near the fire that surely treats
Whimsical notions, and
Fancifully potions of accord, in

A life full of discord, and afforded
Bounty everywhere

As you stare in wonder
And rapt attention
To ponder such reflection

In the mirror of protection
With which each generation
Does pass down

As they stare into a magical station
With a passion to free nations of
Years of strife and uncommon blight

Yet, remember friends that inside
The strife and blight
There is also light, which
Doeth provide equanimity to all humanity

And, though thinketh you are alone
That mirrors the reflection of such possessions
Surrounds another generation, of those
That live and love

Walking hand in hand toward
The blight and strife
Wavering not at all, for they
Are filled with light

And know they are right, and
Will be alright

Justice, they demand
And heel should they
For in healing, not dismay
Is where the light shineth greates
t

And shall protect us one and all
From the mirrored separation that seems so real
Yet is only another movie reel

Of a life that was lived and beloved for real.

Have a splendid weekend, everyone.

#illusion, #life, #lightandlove, #mirrorpoem, #poem, #poems, #separation, #writing